Pardon Me While I Go Get My Tub Of Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Frosting.

This is Hugh Jackman - post workout.

You can just smell the sexy on him, can't you ?

I knew I was getting old when guys in their forties

were way hotter than guys in their twenties.

XXOO

Bunny

East Coast Dooce ?

Occasionally I will read Dooce and mutter to myself...

" Jeez, I think she and I were separated at birth or something..."

I have gathered more proof as to our probable lineage.....

CLICK HERE.

I do THE.EXACT.SAME.THING. when purchasing wine.

AND I DON'T EVEN DRINK WINE !

The sulfates make me sleepy. Really sleepy. A glass of Merlot is the equivalent of 10 Unisom for me. I told The Mister if some unfortunate soul wanted to seduce me employing wine, among other things, that would be really counter productive for the individual in question.

XXOO
Bunny

P.S. I got carded at the liquor store last week. Getting carded at the liquor store when you're creeping up on your mid-thirties is better than sex. Or validation. Or validation DURING sex.
To the point; It made my day.

How To Keep A Two Year Old Entertained At The Ass Crack Of Dawn. a.k.a. Another Post About My Niece

The challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to keep one energetic two-year old entertained while every other adult in the house is asleep.

Behold ! I AM A GENIUS !

YouTube ! Ah yes, that veritable treasure trove of entertainment for all ages !

I believe I've said something to this effect in the not too distant past.

Dang it YT is a wonderful thing !

Picture it;

Me-sitting in my desk chair, sipping coffee. It's early. I have a footie pajama-ed, recently white cranberry peach juiced ( no sippy cup - from a regular cup. that's right, Auntie is BAD ASSED ! NO SIPPY CUP YO ! ) two year old on my lap.

Remembering that my MIL ( a.k.a " Nana " ) has expressed to me her thoughts that our precious niece/granddaughter is a " very old soul " I thought I would try to find something that would appeal to a very old soul-ed two-year old.

Behold ! Gene Kelley ! Singing in the rain !

If my niece had a greater grasp of of the English language or a more complex sophistication of thought she would have said;

" This is SO.AWESOME ! Auntie, HOW DID YOU KNOW I WOULD DIG THIS SO ! "

Dunno kid, I'm just good like that.

Later, subsequent viewings of this very video elicited her saying " Uh-Oh " until someone hit the repeat button.

Over and over and over and over again.

What to show her next......think quick Auntie....you're losing her ! She's getting antsy ! HUUUUURRRY !

Behold ! West Side Story !

Ammmmerrrrr-eeeeeeeccccaaaa ! I VANT TO BE IN AMER-REEEK-KAH !

How hot was Rita Moreno back in the day ?

Sadly we didn't watch too much of " I vant to be in Amer-reeek-kah " as I decided that since she was in her parrot stage ( repeating everything you say ) I decided that I didn't need her parents waking to find that their precious little girl had learned the word " Spic ".

NEXT !


As my feet were beginning to hurt watching Mr. Kelley and Ms. Moreno dance for the umpteenth time I decided we were going for a swim.

Internet, meet Esther Williams.

Esther got mad skills.

You'd never seen Gwyneth don a bathing suit and attempt such.

SUCK IT PALTROW !

Again, had my niece had the capacity;

" Ok Auntie, I see where your going with this one. I can appreciate the skill and patience it must take to choreograph such a performance. That and I like their sparkly outfits. "

As my coffee kicked in and I started to feel a bit braver I decided to give MJ a try.

CLICK HERE !

You can't embed any MJ videos. Sorry.

Turns out my niece LOVES MJ.

If she could;

" Auntie, this is so cool. I love Beat It. I feel badly for MJ though, I think he subjugated his needs to please others, ultimately it lead to his own demise. I hear he had some serious Daddy Issues. But I love that sparkly red jacket."

As I had polished off my first cup of coffee I was feeling brave and decided to push the envelope ( or it seems I pushed my own agenda.....) even further.

Behold !

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK !

I figured since we were on this singing and dancing roll I might as well run with it.

Sadly, Jordan, Donnie, Danny, Joe and Jon ( STILL HOT ! ) did not hold her attention for more than six seconds.

At the sound of the first " Oh, oh, ohohooo...." she squirmed out of my lap and took off.

Jordan, we got work to do baby.

Turn her to the NKOTB side I will. A choice she will have not.

XOXO

Bunny

Miss Cleo Ain't Got Shit On Me.

Did I not tell you, Dear Internet, quite some time ago that it would behoove many a single gal to stay.the.hell.away from Charlie Sheen ?

So it seems I have said something to that effect in the not too distant past.

Guess what ?

It seems a leopard cannot change his spots.

Or his anger management problems.

I think he used a knife this time because he's not legally allowed to own a handgun - for good reason I might add......

:::::::sigh:::::::::


Ladies, he cannot be " fixed ".

I don't care who you are or what you have to offer.

He is the original Scratch & Dent of Significant Others.

Don't shop on the clearance rack for a life partner !

I think by now he should also not be legally allowed to cohabitate with any female ever again.




Dr. Drew where are you ??????

XOXO
Bunny

What Happens When You're On Santa's " Naughty " List.

You get a nasty-assed case of Conjunctivitis on Christmas Eve.

Y'all can CLICK HERE if you dare.

But I'm warning you, it's not for those of you who get grossed out easily.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

XOXO

Bunny

The Buck Stops At Auntie....

The In-Laws went back to sunny FLA yesterday. They'd been here for a few days for a pre-pinnacle of forced Merriment and Mass Merchandising season visit.
It was lovely to see all of them and as one often says we-don't-see-each-other-lets-do-this-again-soon and this time The Mister and I actually meant it.

However I should tell y'all that it snowed last night. Like, a lot. As Steph has been known to say, it was " Snowmaggedon. "

Anywho, as I was saying, The Buck Stops At Auntie.
Let me paint y'all a picture;

My 2-year old Niece: ( displaying the beginnings an Oprah-worthy Ugly Cry for no good reason..) **Sniff, sniff, snort, curl of lip ** WAAAAHHHHH. WAH WAH WAHHHHH !

Me ( tenderly as possible, but I ain't playing, yo.): Hey, there is no crying at Auntie's house.

My Niece: ( slightly taken aback that someone has told her that crying is not allowed )** Sniff ( pause ) sniff, sniff, ( pause ) boogers descend from nose, lip curls again ** WAAHH-

Me: Excuse me, I told you crying was not allowed at Auntie's house.

My Niece: ( processing this new information with a slight WTF look on her face ) ** Sucks boogers back up into her nose with the force of a Hoover vacuum and tentatively attempts whining instead ** Eeeehhhh...uhhh....waah..

Me: Listen, I'm sorry, but crying and whining is not allowed. This is Auntie's house and she pays the bills. So the only person who gets to cry around here is me, ok ?

My Niece: ( nodding ) ** sucks back more boogs with epic suction force **

Me: Are you ok now ?

My Niece: ( wipes nose on sleeve ) Yesh.

FAST FORWARD SIX HOURS....

My Niece: ( again with the crying bit...) WAHH WAAAHHHH-

Me: Hey, there is no crying at Auntie's. Remember ?

My Niece: ( nods her head ) ** sucks back boogers ** Yesh. ** goes on about her business **

FAST FORWARD.....

My Niece: ( over tired and fighting bedtime )** rubs eyes, binkie hanging loosely from her mouth ** Eeeehhh, uhuuuu, mmmmmhh, weeeennn, eeeehhss......

Me: ( carrying her to the bedroom )Come on, it's time for little girls to go to bed now.

MN: ( Crawls into bed ) ** fuss fuss whhhhhinnee, rubs eyes **

Me: ( pulls the blankets over her ) I'm going to put the blankets over you, you close your eyes and go to sleep.

MN: **Snores **

THE NEXT DAY....

MN ( on a crazy, mad powdered sugar induced spaz attack ) ** doing laps around the house and occasionally stopping in the kitchen to butt her head against my thigh ** SQQUEEEE !! AAAAA HAAAAA !! NA NA NA NA !! HEHEHEHEHEHE !!!

** Stops a lap in the kitchen, falls onto the floor and begins performance art that can best be described as a cross between peddling an invisible bike and moshing **

Me ( staring at MN spazzing out on the kitchen floor ): That's it. You've had enough. You're cut off.

MN: ( looking up at me from the floor ) No ! You off ! ** giggles uncontrollably **

Me: Nope, YOU'RE cut off.

MN: ** points at me ** No. YOU OFF !

Me: Gimme your keys, I'm calling you a cab.

MN: CAWING UM' ! ( I'll translate.. " G'head Auntie, call a cab." )

Me: ( putting plate of xmas cookies out of her reach ) That's it, we're closing up. We're skipping last call tonight. Besides, you've had enough.

MN: ( face down on the cold stone tile of the kitchen floor, beginning her sugar crash ) I OFF !

Me: You said it girlfriend.

So I guess I can add " Getting a two year old to behave " to my list of Mad Skillz.

You thought I was kidding about the powdered sugar induced spaz attack.

She licked the spilled powered sugar off the counter after we made xmas cookies.

Spaz Attack in 3........2...........1

XXOO
Bunny

a.k.a Auntie

Eleven Days Till Santa Comes.........

Hope everyone has been nice !

XO

Bunny