Welcome To WalMart.

Later-ish in the evening the other night The Mister and I went off to our local WalMart superstore to pick up a few items.
As he and I tend to be browsers we were in there for a long time. Longer than we should have been in WalMart and still have our IQs largely intact, but I digress.

Toward the end of our shopping trip we both expressed an interest in eating something - those of you in LTRs may be familiar with the Whadda-you-wanna-eat-I-dunno-whadda-you-want song and dance. The conversation usually goes something like this;

Man: You hungry ?
Woman: Yeah kinda.
Man: Well I'm hungry.
Woman: Ok, so why don't we get something to eat ?
Man: I'm really hungry.
Woman: I got the memo. You're hungry. I just said why don't we eat something.
Man: Whadda you want ?
Woman: I dunno, whatever you want is fine.
Man: :::::sigh:::::: This isn't helping. Why don't you suggest something.

Woman proceeds to verbalize laundry list of dining options. Man seems less than enthusiastic about suggestions made to him.

Woman: I've just suggested everything I can think of. When you decide what you want, let me know. I'm not all that fussy and could care less what we eat.

Man proceeds to make a tuna sandwiches.

The above scenario need not be gender specific. Please insert person(s) of your choosing into the above dialogue.

At any rate, being a couple in a LTR we are well beyond the goo-goo-gaa-gaa when there are tasks to be completed. The Mister paid for our purchases at the checkout and I made my way over to the in-store Subway. Split up and get out of store faster - precious braincells were being wasted.

I was the only customer in Subway at this particular moment in time. There were two Subway employees working. Employee # 1 was taking the trash out and left the store's premises. Employee #2 was standing halfway between the sandwich prep counter and the back room.
She saw me out of the corner of her eye and said; " I'll be right with you. "

I could see The Mister from my vantage point inside SW and he looked about three back in line still. As I felt there was no need to rush I was more than happy to let SW employee #2 do whatever it was she was doing in the back room. I'm generally not in the habit of busting the ass of anyone making minimum wage. They know they've got a shitty job - no need to add insult to injury. Girlfriend's just trying to pay her bills.

Employee #2's cell phone rang. She picked it up ( mind you she is about ten feet from me ) and this is what came out of her mouth;

" WHAT IS YOUR F*CKING PROBLEM A$$HOLE !? I'M SO SICK OF YOUR DRAMA ! I DUNNO WHO YOU THINK YOU'RE CALLING A WH*RE ! I'M SICK OF THIS SH!T ! I'M DONE WITH YOU ! I'M DONE. NO......I'M DONE ! DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE YOU SL*T !
I'M DONE WITH YOU ! "

I looked around for a hidden camera. I thought that perhaps Jerry Springer was now hosting a Candid Camera type show that I was unaware of and I was the guest on tonight's episode.

Apparently I'm not the only cell phone shot put gold medal winner. Employee #2 flung her cell somewhere into the recesses of SW's back room.

But Employee #2 wasn't finished, not by a long shot. She took two big strides in my direction and was now facing me from behind the sandwich prep counter. I was now the recipient of her verbal machine gun.

" I mean My God. My friend starts telling everyone I know that I'm a wh*re and now she, wants to be my best friend again! Like I'm supposed to pretend none of this sh!t ever happened. You know, it's not me who's the wh*re. She f*cked my boyfriend AND my brother ! Who needs that sh!t ?! She's such a bitch ! Who the f*ck does she think she is ? "

After her tirade she realized that perhaps her behavior was less than professional. She then became embarrassed and began to apologize. I assured her all was cool. As I said - I'm not trying to bust the ass of the minimum wage earner. Clearly she had some pressing personal issues to deal with, so I figured that if I could let her vent what skin would it be off my nose ? Lucky for her I find these little interactions with the public at large to be amusing rather than offensive.

By this time Employee # 1 and The Mister have both made an appearance in Subway. Employee #1 rings up our sandwiches and The Mister pays for them. As we begin to exit the store Employee #2 profusely apologizes again;

" I'm really sorry about that Miss....I'm really so sorry. Really ."

I assured her that we were cool.

As we walked to the car The Mister asked me what Emp #2 was apologizing for. I shared the details of my Subway experience with him and he began to laugh.

And as he is one of the most profound people I know, he felt the need to throw his two cents in.

" You know, it's like there is some sort of White Trash Time Warp between Knox, Indiana and WalMart. "

I then asked him what he forgot at the check stand as I had seen the cashier call after him and run to give him a bag. This was his reply to my inquiry;

" Oh. I forgot to take the cookies. I knew if I forgot those I'd be in deep sh!t. You would have re purposed a wiffle ball bat to sodomize me with if we got home and there weren't any Fudgie Grahams. "

^^ PMSing. Needed chocolate. BAD. ^^

Xoooo
Bunny