To say that I'm still disgruntled about my poor cat being chased and summarily held hostage in a tree would be the understatement of the year.
I've taken it as a personal affront. To me it's essentially the same thing as my cat minding her own business,perhaps walking through Central Park, and getting mugged. She still refuses to go outside or even entertain the thought of going near a window.
As she is a cat, I as the RESPONSIBLE pet owner must fight her battles for her. You mess with my cat and you mess with me.
This is wherein I begin my fervent hatred of the canine species. I used to tolerate dogs....now....well, any animal that eats its own shit does not deserve to walk the earth. Especially big, dumb black labs named " Pepper " who for some reason are not kept on a leash or a run or any other sort of dog restraint device.
I've decided that I am going to make it my business to torture Slim & The Two Darrells for the next few days. I'm on vacation from work for the next week, so I've got plenty of time on my hands to devise said torture plan.
Passive Aggressive ? Me ? Naaahhhhh.....
I started in earnest this afternoon. I figured I would start with loud music. I'm pretty sure the Reagan administration tortured Noriega with some Appetite for Destruction - but G n' R is way too good for these busted-up Camaro driving idiots. I didn't want to give them anything they might enjoy.
Remember, I have REALLY BIG SPEAKERS attached to my computer that are right near a window. ( insert maniacal, cackling laughter here...)
I wondered just what kind of music would crawl up their asses sideways and stay there. I wanted a song or songs that would be stuck in their collective heads even after they went home. I wanted them to have the same PTSD that my cat was now having to learn coping skills for.
Elvis Costello was a nice jumping off point. What's So Funny About Peace, Love & Understanding ? I dunno ? Why don't you ask my cat ? Jerks.
After Mr. Diana Krall I moved onto Squeeze. Black Coffee In Bed ? Not when you have the circular saw going at 7:30 in the morning. I didn't really need to, you know..like, sleep late on my vacation or anything. Asshats.
I could tell that 80's post-punk British Invasion was not getting the job done. The brainpower needed to understand its irony was more than their New England Tech educations would have afforded them. Time to try something else.
Ah yes, I've got it ! 80's music ! Not just any 80's music...the kind that I like.
The Psychedelic Furs ! Love My Way ? Not if you're loving that stupid animal. As I said, any animal that eats its own shit............ Morons.
The above three artists only garnered an occasional " WTF ? " glance from them.
Time to up the ante. I had to bust out something truly niche. Something that only a small Gen X population would enjoy.
They Might Be Giants ! Birdhouse In Your Soul ! Had they been building a birdhouse they've been gone a long time ago. Bee In my bonnet you say ? I hope that dumb dog gets stung by a bee. Several angry South American bees.
I could detect mild annoyance, so I continued with Particle Man.
Their annoyance level was rising so after Particle Man I had to think quick.
What next, what next, what next ??
AH HA !
SONIC YOUTH ! Yes, yes, yes.....SONIC YOUTH. Time to go all 120 Minutes on their asses !
Not just any Sonic Youth would do though.....no no....it could only be Sonic Youth with Chuck D ! Kool Thing ! Girls liberated from male, white corporate oppression ! Take that Butt Nuggets !
Oh yeah, ( bobbing, weaving and swinging away like Rocky Balboa ) I used to have purple hair and wear Docs in HS ( floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee ) - they clearly did not know whose cat they were messing with !
Alas, they packed up for the day once I got done playing Arrested Development. I knew Mr. Wendal would have totally had my back though.
Oh well. We'll see what kinds of annoyance inducing activities I can come up with for tomorrow.
Realize though, dear Internet, that had The Mister been home today none of this would have happened. The first few notes of What's So Funny 'bout Peace, Love and Understanding would have gotten me a dirty look from him that would have followed by him saying " Jesus babe, shit happens. Get over it. " Ah yes, The Mister and his pathological need to keep me off the train to crazyville. Where would I be without him ?
I should clarify the previous statement about " Darrell and my other brother Darrell " as Mumbles Mile ( coming to the States by way of Barbados and then Canada ) did not catch my reference. For a further explanation of the two Darrells ( which come to find out I've been spelling wrong...) please CLICK HERE.
Happy 500th Post to Me !
Xoooo
Bunny
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