I'm beginning to realize that there is stuff that only I know of. As I've explained previously it's as if I am the sole occupant of Planet Bunny. Jeopardy could have a category named " Stuff Only Bunny Knows. ", you get the idea.
99% of the time the knowledge only I seem to possess is very obscure. I suppose I could compare my offhand trivial tidbits, my SOAK-ness** if you will, to what it must be like for someone to be visiting a foreign country and not speak the native language. I'll utter some random fact or quote a line from a John Hughes movie ( This is a very nutritious lunch Brian, all the food groups are represented. Did your Mom marry Mr. Rogers ? ) and people look at me like, well, I'm from another planet.
There are some things that I take for granted that everyone must know about. Like YouTube.
But sometimes, like today, I have the chance to brighten someones horizons with all the useless crap that floats around in my head.
I introduced one of our clients to YouTube. It was as if I just gave an alcoholic the keys to a bar.
He, one half of " The Unicorn " couple, had no previous knowledge of YouTube. And I was all like;
" Oh Mr. Unicorn Man, let me show you the world of cookies and kittens and rainbows that is YouTube ! "
I pulled up the intro to The A - Team. Then the Miami Vice intro, then Knight Rider, then Magnum P.I., then Laverne and Shirley, then Happy Days, and so on and so on.
Ok, but first I did show him The Grape Smashing Lady and then The A - Team, etc, etc.
And he, eyebrows raised so high they nearly became unattached from his head, was all like;
" Oh crazy lunatic woman ! Why has nobody shared with me the world of cookies and kittens and rainbows that is YouTube ! I will love you like no other for the next five minutes you crazy lunatic woman ! "
After we pulled the DeLorean back into the parking lot after visiting the 80's I decided that even though retro TV themes were awesome, he really needed some PG soft core porn.
So I introduced him to Stacy's Mom - after his wife left the room of course.
One look at Rachel Hunter's tennis-skirted thighs ( :10 sec mark ) and he gave me a look like;
" Should I really be watching this ?? Like, am I gonna get in trouble here ? "
Then Stacy's Mom / Rachel Hunter began to disrobe ( :58 sec mark ) and I could sense that if he still had the ability to speak he would have requested that I leave him alone with Ms. Hunter.
At that point I excused myself with a " Bye Mr. Unicorn Man. " and walked out of the room.
Mr. Unicorn Man could not remove his eyes from the screen, but did manage a half-hearted
" Yeah... umm...bye. "
You are totally welcome Mr. Unicorn Man.
Xo
Bunny
** My co-worker Cookiegirl83's brother seems to also possess an encyclopedic knowledge of useless crap. Due to this she and her family members have begun referring to him at THE SOAK - The Source Of All Knowledge.
27 September 2009
26 September 2009
Insanely Cute And Accutely Insane.
Guess what happened to me Thursday ? G'head, guess. You're never gonna guess.....go ahead, just try.
Give up ?
I've come to realize that the reason none of you can/want to ever guess what happened to me when I say " Guess what happened to me ? " is because the sheer magnitude and intensity of crazy shit that happens to me is, well, mind blowing.
I'll just go ahead and tell you.
I was attacked by a squirrel. Uh huh. Attacked. By a squirrel.
As the details of my rodent acostment are still sketchy due to my squirrel attack induced PTSD, I do vaguely remember being totally disarmed by his cuteness only to see him, shortly after I remarked " Awww...what a cute little squirrel !", fly through the air only to land on my cute, strappy,wedge heeled feet.
I swear I heard him say " HIAH ! " as I watched him fly through the air spread eagle. I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing and so as my brain tried to process what was happening, well, everything seemed to be in slow motion.
" Oh my god, that.....squirrel is....flying......through the.......... air........ and.....................oh my god..............I......I think he's going....to land on my feeeeeet. "
Of course having no previous squirrel attack under my belt as a frame of reference I had no idea that I would respond by running around in a small circle and shrieking like a little girl.
And wouldn't you know I was with a client.
She found the entire sequence of events to be completely hilarious.
For a better understanding of how it is that I came to be attacked by a squirrel I should tell you that the above referenced client and I were seated outdoors reading magazines while we were waiting for a ride to come pick her up.
Not at all frightened by my interpretive dance the effing squirrel ran not three feet away from me and CAME BACK FOR MORE !
At this point I was dancing, shrieking, waving a magazine and verbally abusing a small woodland creature.
" Listen jackass, get the hell away from me ! NO ! GO AWAY ASSBAG ! GIT ! I SWEAR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ! GIT GIT GIT !
Shortly after my tirade I felt that perhaps I should have done a better job of censoring myself as it is less than professional to be cursing in front of a client.
I justified it by thinking A) she's an adult and I'm sure has heard worse in her life and B) the whole episode probably made her day as she was laughing uncontrollably.
Guess what ? The effing rat came back for more ! This time he decided that he was going to give my client a try and slinked up to her.
She went all Clint Eastwood on him, complete with the stink eye, and generally made him fear for his life.
I guess Death By Rolled Up Magazine was not on his agenda for the afternoon so he saw fit to make his way over to the dumpster.
She and I waited a bit longer for her ride to appear and when I said PTSD I totally meant it as every time I saw a chipmunk or a leaf fly across the parking lot out of the corner of my eye I jumped about twelve feet.
Later in the day I called my cousin to relate the events of the morning to her. I shared with her that no matter how crappy her day was I was gonna bet money that the recounting of her day to her Hubs would not culminate in telling him that she was attacked by a squirrel.
Effing squirrel.
XO
Bunny
Give up ?
I've come to realize that the reason none of you can/want to ever guess what happened to me when I say " Guess what happened to me ? " is because the sheer magnitude and intensity of crazy shit that happens to me is, well, mind blowing.
I'll just go ahead and tell you.
I was attacked by a squirrel. Uh huh. Attacked. By a squirrel.
As the details of my rodent acostment are still sketchy due to my squirrel attack induced PTSD, I do vaguely remember being totally disarmed by his cuteness only to see him, shortly after I remarked " Awww...what a cute little squirrel !", fly through the air only to land on my cute, strappy,wedge heeled feet.
I swear I heard him say " HIAH ! " as I watched him fly through the air spread eagle. I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing and so as my brain tried to process what was happening, well, everything seemed to be in slow motion.
" Oh my god, that.....squirrel is....flying......through the.......... air........ and.....................oh my god..............I......I think he's going....to land on my feeeeeet. "
Of course having no previous squirrel attack under my belt as a frame of reference I had no idea that I would respond by running around in a small circle and shrieking like a little girl.
And wouldn't you know I was with a client.
She found the entire sequence of events to be completely hilarious.
For a better understanding of how it is that I came to be attacked by a squirrel I should tell you that the above referenced client and I were seated outdoors reading magazines while we were waiting for a ride to come pick her up.
Not at all frightened by my interpretive dance the effing squirrel ran not three feet away from me and CAME BACK FOR MORE !
At this point I was dancing, shrieking, waving a magazine and verbally abusing a small woodland creature.
" Listen jackass, get the hell away from me ! NO ! GO AWAY ASSBAG ! GIT ! I SWEAR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ! GIT GIT GIT !
Shortly after my tirade I felt that perhaps I should have done a better job of censoring myself as it is less than professional to be cursing in front of a client.
I justified it by thinking A) she's an adult and I'm sure has heard worse in her life and B) the whole episode probably made her day as she was laughing uncontrollably.
Guess what ? The effing rat came back for more ! This time he decided that he was going to give my client a try and slinked up to her.
She went all Clint Eastwood on him, complete with the stink eye, and generally made him fear for his life.
I guess Death By Rolled Up Magazine was not on his agenda for the afternoon so he saw fit to make his way over to the dumpster.
She and I waited a bit longer for her ride to appear and when I said PTSD I totally meant it as every time I saw a chipmunk or a leaf fly across the parking lot out of the corner of my eye I jumped about twelve feet.
Later in the day I called my cousin to relate the events of the morning to her. I shared with her that no matter how crappy her day was I was gonna bet money that the recounting of her day to her Hubs would not culminate in telling him that she was attacked by a squirrel.
Effing squirrel.
XO
Bunny
23 September 2009
Flu!
I think I ate about a pound and a half of fruit salad and three danish type thingies at a staff meeting today in an effort of keep my mouth busy doing something other than letting a stream of obscenities come out of it.
No doubt you're wondering what subject matter was so bothersome to me that I had to use every last drop of willpower I possessed to keep my inner Denis Leary from making an appearance.
Drumroll please..........
The Flu!
More to the point...how to educate forty some odd mentally disabled people about Flu! etiquette and prevention.
First off, you can't kill The Flu! by talking it to death for AN HOUR.
Four pieces of pineapple down the hatch.
Dancing and singing at an in-service about The Flu! won't kill it either.
Six blueberries....mmmmmmm, mighty tasty !
Nor can you kill The Flu! by making people watch videos on YouTube.
Damn this pecan thing from Panera is the bomb !
Making ME get dressed up in the likeness of a Flu! bug and dance and sing most certainly will not kill Flu! bugs either.
I wonder if it would be rude to take the last of the blueberry danish... ?? Four strawberries popped in my piehole....mmmmmm.
So yeah, today's staff meeting was two hours of my life that I, unfortunately, will never get back.
What would I have done had today's staff meeting taken place in some alternate space and time ??
Drumroll please...............
** Slams down plate full of pastries and half-pound of fruit salad **
OK LISTEN, WE CAN ALL TALK AND TALK AND TALK....... BUT SOME OF US, CLIENTS INCLUDED, ARE GONNA GET THE F'ING FLU! NO MATTER HOW MUCH F'ING EDUCATION WE PROVIDE THEM OR HOW MANY INDIVIDUAL F'ING BOTTLES OF F'ING HAND SANITIZERS WE GIVE THEM. WE CAN DANCE AND SING UNTIL THE F'ING COWS COME HOME BUT LISTEN TO ME.....SOME OF US WILL GET THE F'ING FLU! REGARDLESS. IS IT GOING TO SUCK ? YES ! BUT GUESS WHAT ? LIFE JUST F'ING SUCKS SOMETIMES AND PEOPLE GET THE F'ING FLU! IT HAPPENS ! I'VE LISTENED TO YOU ALL BLAHHH BLITTY BLAHHH BLAAHH FOR A F'ING HOUR AND I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS SHIT ANYMORE ! I SEE YOUR MOUTHS MOVING, BUT ALL I'M HEARING IS CHARLIE BROWN'S TEACHER....WAAAHHHH WAHHHH WHHAAAAAA.......
IT'S THE F'ING FLU! NOT THE F'ING NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST !
YOU WANT FLU! PREVENTION.....HERE IT IS. WRITE THIS DOWN PEEPS, I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS SHIT ONCE.
#1. WASH YOUR F'ING HANDS !
#2. GET A F'ING FLU! SHOT IF YOU'RE ELDERLY, PREGNANT OR A SMALL CHILD.
#3. IF YOU'RE SICK STAY THE F*CK HOME.
DAMN IT ALL TO HELL PEOPLE, IF I KNEW STAFF MEETING WAS GOING TO BE THIS MUCH FUN F'ING TODAY I WOULD HAVE STAYED THE F*CK HOME AND READ MY NEW ISSUE OF HOUSE F'ING BEAUTIFUL !
**picks plate of danish thingies and fruit salad back up and resumes eating **
An to top it off I was VERY RUDELY interrupted by another employee of my agency yesterday when he decided that he JUST HAD TO TELL MY BOSS THAT ACCORDING TO THE CDC SHE'S BEEN CROSS CONTAMINATING THE HAND SANITIZER BOTTLES !
And I'm all like...OK dude, don't worry, 'cause you know, nothing I was sitting in my boss's office talking to her about was more important than CROSS CONTAMINATING THE HAND SANITIZERS ! I mean, my God...I'm sorry for even, you know, having the nerve to exist and breathe and whatnot WHEN THERE ARE HAND SANITIZER BOTTLES BEING ARE BEING CROSS CONTAMINATED ! OH THE F'ING HUMANITY !
You know, I've worked for this agency for nearly seven years and I have absolutely no clue what he does. I really don't. Not that I really care. Unfortunately he's one of those guys that thinks because he's in possession of a penis that somehow what he has to say is way more important that anyone else - you know, those of us without penises......... D-bag.
My friend " K " put a neat little bow on all of this Flu! talk;
" You know, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when their opinions are really lame it make them really hard to deal with. "
Why do I keep writing Flu! with an exclamation point ?? Total plagiarism. CLICK HERE.
So yeah, wash your hands peeps.
XO
Bunny
P.S.
Jon Knight is still hot.
No doubt you're wondering what subject matter was so bothersome to me that I had to use every last drop of willpower I possessed to keep my inner Denis Leary from making an appearance.
Drumroll please..........
The Flu!
More to the point...how to educate forty some odd mentally disabled people about Flu! etiquette and prevention.
First off, you can't kill The Flu! by talking it to death for AN HOUR.
Four pieces of pineapple down the hatch.
Dancing and singing at an in-service about The Flu! won't kill it either.
Six blueberries....mmmmmmm, mighty tasty !
Nor can you kill The Flu! by making people watch videos on YouTube.
Damn this pecan thing from Panera is the bomb !
Making ME get dressed up in the likeness of a Flu! bug and dance and sing most certainly will not kill Flu! bugs either.
I wonder if it would be rude to take the last of the blueberry danish... ?? Four strawberries popped in my piehole....mmmmmm.
So yeah, today's staff meeting was two hours of my life that I, unfortunately, will never get back.
What would I have done had today's staff meeting taken place in some alternate space and time ??
Drumroll please...............
** Slams down plate full of pastries and half-pound of fruit salad **
OK LISTEN, WE CAN ALL TALK AND TALK AND TALK....... BUT SOME OF US, CLIENTS INCLUDED, ARE GONNA GET THE F'ING FLU! NO MATTER HOW MUCH F'ING EDUCATION WE PROVIDE THEM OR HOW MANY INDIVIDUAL F'ING BOTTLES OF F'ING HAND SANITIZERS WE GIVE THEM. WE CAN DANCE AND SING UNTIL THE F'ING COWS COME HOME BUT LISTEN TO ME.....SOME OF US WILL GET THE F'ING FLU! REGARDLESS. IS IT GOING TO SUCK ? YES ! BUT GUESS WHAT ? LIFE JUST F'ING SUCKS SOMETIMES AND PEOPLE GET THE F'ING FLU! IT HAPPENS ! I'VE LISTENED TO YOU ALL BLAHHH BLITTY BLAHHH BLAAHH FOR A F'ING HOUR AND I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS SHIT ANYMORE ! I SEE YOUR MOUTHS MOVING, BUT ALL I'M HEARING IS CHARLIE BROWN'S TEACHER....WAAAHHHH WAHHHH WHHAAAAAA.......
IT'S THE F'ING FLU! NOT THE F'ING NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST !
YOU WANT FLU! PREVENTION.....HERE IT IS. WRITE THIS DOWN PEEPS, I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS SHIT ONCE.
#1. WASH YOUR F'ING HANDS !
#2. GET A F'ING FLU! SHOT IF YOU'RE ELDERLY, PREGNANT OR A SMALL CHILD.
#3. IF YOU'RE SICK STAY THE F*CK HOME.
DAMN IT ALL TO HELL PEOPLE, IF I KNEW STAFF MEETING WAS GOING TO BE THIS MUCH FUN F'ING TODAY I WOULD HAVE STAYED THE F*CK HOME AND READ MY NEW ISSUE OF HOUSE F'ING BEAUTIFUL !
**picks plate of danish thingies and fruit salad back up and resumes eating **
An to top it off I was VERY RUDELY interrupted by another employee of my agency yesterday when he decided that he JUST HAD TO TELL MY BOSS THAT ACCORDING TO THE CDC SHE'S BEEN CROSS CONTAMINATING THE HAND SANITIZER BOTTLES !
And I'm all like...OK dude, don't worry, 'cause you know, nothing I was sitting in my boss's office talking to her about was more important than CROSS CONTAMINATING THE HAND SANITIZERS ! I mean, my God...I'm sorry for even, you know, having the nerve to exist and breathe and whatnot WHEN THERE ARE HAND SANITIZER BOTTLES BEING ARE BEING CROSS CONTAMINATED ! OH THE F'ING HUMANITY !
You know, I've worked for this agency for nearly seven years and I have absolutely no clue what he does. I really don't. Not that I really care. Unfortunately he's one of those guys that thinks because he's in possession of a penis that somehow what he has to say is way more important that anyone else - you know, those of us without penises......... D-bag.
My friend " K " put a neat little bow on all of this Flu! talk;
" You know, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when their opinions are really lame it make them really hard to deal with. "
Why do I keep writing Flu! with an exclamation point ?? Total plagiarism. CLICK HERE.
So yeah, wash your hands peeps.
XO
Bunny
P.S.
Jon Knight is still hot.
19 September 2009
Adventures In Drywall.
Wanna know what happens when you buy a house from Hillbillies ?
You find a large, spray painted mural of Bugs Bunny with tits on the underside of drywall ( if it can even be considered drywall.....) that you rip out of your stairwell.
As The Mister pulled out a large section of " drywall " to throw out into the heap of all the other " drywall " he'd ripped down I was all like......
" Hey, wait a sec.....is that ? Is that Bugs Bunny ? "
The Mister flipped the piece he was holding around and said;
" Yep, that's Bugs alright. Looks like Bugs has got a big rack too... "
The Mister went back to ripping down the " drywall " and upon exposing the interior wall he began to laugh out loud. It was not one of those ha-ha-what-a-funny-joke laughs....it was more like a oh-my-god-just-when-I-thought-it-couldn't-get-any-worse laughs.
So me, having no previous experience with drywall, went over to inquire about the source of the Funny.
Me: What ?
The Mister: See this ? **Points to exposed interior wall **
Me: Yeah ? ** not noting anything peculiar about the exposed interior wall **
TM: See the seams ? ** motions to long, horizontal seams **
Me: Yeah ? ** still not catching the drift, but what else is new**
TM: They put 2 foot sections of drywall in horizontally, see....there's like 12, 2 foot sections?
Me: Yeah ?
TM: That's how idiots drywall. It should be as big a section of drywall you can get so you have as few seams as possible.
Me: Oh.
TM: You know that show " If These Walls Could Talk ", well if this house could talk it would probably be the musings of four drunk hillbillies talking about beer and titties.
I'd post pictures of our drywall demo and reconstruction, but our camera decided to die today.
And I should clarify why I kept putting " drywall " in quotes. After ripping down the circa 1962 wallpaper in the stairwell I could not quite figure out what the material was that had previously had the wallpaper stuck to it. It certainly wasn't traditional drywall, it could best be described as compressed layers of cardboard and.....oh, I don't know.......old subflooring ?
Well, whatever it was is not in a heap in our shed awaiting a trip to the big drywall heaven in the sky.
XO
Bunny
You find a large, spray painted mural of Bugs Bunny with tits on the underside of drywall ( if it can even be considered drywall.....) that you rip out of your stairwell.
As The Mister pulled out a large section of " drywall " to throw out into the heap of all the other " drywall " he'd ripped down I was all like......
" Hey, wait a sec.....is that ? Is that Bugs Bunny ? "
The Mister flipped the piece he was holding around and said;
" Yep, that's Bugs alright. Looks like Bugs has got a big rack too... "
The Mister went back to ripping down the " drywall " and upon exposing the interior wall he began to laugh out loud. It was not one of those ha-ha-what-a-funny-joke laughs....it was more like a oh-my-god-just-when-I-thought-it-couldn't-get-any-worse laughs.
So me, having no previous experience with drywall, went over to inquire about the source of the Funny.
Me: What ?
The Mister: See this ? **Points to exposed interior wall **
Me: Yeah ? ** not noting anything peculiar about the exposed interior wall **
TM: See the seams ? ** motions to long, horizontal seams **
Me: Yeah ? ** still not catching the drift, but what else is new**
TM: They put 2 foot sections of drywall in horizontally, see....there's like 12, 2 foot sections?
Me: Yeah ?
TM: That's how idiots drywall. It should be as big a section of drywall you can get so you have as few seams as possible.
Me: Oh.
TM: You know that show " If These Walls Could Talk ", well if this house could talk it would probably be the musings of four drunk hillbillies talking about beer and titties.
I'd post pictures of our drywall demo and reconstruction, but our camera decided to die today.
And I should clarify why I kept putting " drywall " in quotes. After ripping down the circa 1962 wallpaper in the stairwell I could not quite figure out what the material was that had previously had the wallpaper stuck to it. It certainly wasn't traditional drywall, it could best be described as compressed layers of cardboard and.....oh, I don't know.......old subflooring ?
Well, whatever it was is not in a heap in our shed awaiting a trip to the big drywall heaven in the sky.
XO
Bunny
18 September 2009
Retro Music Friday.
My Sweet Emmise turned sixteen this week. Yep, you read that right. 16. I really don't have much to say about it other than " OH CRAP I'M GETTING OLD ! ".
The Mister and I went over to her parent's house to give her her Sweet 16 birthday gift and have some Birthday cake.
Speaking of her birthday cake, it was hand picked by her and was oh...... whats the word I'm looking for here ? Obscene.
Really.
I'm not kidding.
Wanna see it ??
Oy Vey was that a shit load of cake ( is shit load one word ? I'm not sure... ). They should throw in a free wheel barrow to anyone who buys one. You need it to carry this cake to and from your car. I joked with my Aunt that it was $32 and 32lbs.
At any rate, the song that was number one the week she was born was.....drumroll please........you Gen X'ers out there are gonna feel really old.......
Dreamlover by Mariah Carey.
CRAP I'M OLD !
Not too long ago The Mister and I had related to Emmsie the story of an outing we had when she was probably not quite three years of age. As she was so young at the time she's not remembered this particular outing but was amused by our recounting of it.
Wanna hear it ?
I knew ya did.
When she was not quite three The Mister and I had taken her to a small zoo not far from my parent's house for the afternoon. As we headed back to the car at the end our out outing we had all climbed back in the car to go home. The Mister had still had his Escort at this time and it happened to have a sunroof. As Emmsie had not had any previous experience with a sunroof she was quite fascinated by it. The Mister's sunroof was....umm...... " after market " and actually popped out ( don't worry, it was supposed to do that ) when you undid the latches.
So The Mister and I popped out the sunroof, stood Emmsie's tiny not-quite-three feet on the console between the seats and let her stick her tiny not-quite-three head out of the sunroof. Then we drove around the parking lot at the zoo. Granted we only went four miles an hour and the parking lot was empty, but Emmsie LOVED IT !
She laughed quite a bit...well, or at least as much as a sixteen year old girl can/does laugh, at this story.
She laughed harder when the three of us looked up number one songs by date of birth for her brothers. Turns out her two brothers came into the world to Always by Atlantic Starr and Lost In Your Eyes by Debbie Gibson.
I said to her " Gee Emmsie, I think you made out on that deal. "
She responded with " Shaaa...I think so too. "
Here's looking at you kid.
XOXO
Bunny
15 September 2009
Life On Planet Bunny.
Today I was pleasantly surprised to find out that His Holiness The Dalai Lama is on Twitter. Yeah, I know. Surreal, right ?? Certainly stranger things have happened, you know......stuff like THIS.
At any rate, I was expressing to some of my coworkers that I had stumbled across HHTDL via Russell Simmons's Twitter feed.
My coworkers and I are largely high-minded liberal peace and love types...so we're all pretty much down with The Dalai. I knew they'd appreciate to-the-second tweets from HHTDL so I who was I to keep this info all to myself ??
The reactions I got to informing my high-minded, etc, etc coworkers about HHTDL on Twitter were all pretty much the same. They all went a little something like this;
Me: Did you know the Dalai Lama is on Twitter ?
Random Coworker: No, but that's really cool. I'll have to check that out.
Me: Yeah, I found him through Russell Simmons's Twitter feed.
Random Coworker: ** blank stare **
Me: I found him through Russell Simmons's Twitter feed.
RC: ** continued blank stare with the occasional eye bat **
Me: ( heavy, exaggerated sigh ) Do you know who Russell Simmons is ?
RC: No.
Me: ( half volume faux scream ) WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS WHO RUSSELL SIMMONS IS !!?? I FEEL LIKE I LIVE ON MY OWN PLANET !!!!!!
My alienation was only further exacerbated later in the day by my cousin who professed to know who Russell Simmons is. He went on to tell me that, in fact, Russell Simmons was in Run D.M.C.
So then I was all like....NO ! NO HE WAS NOT !
And he was all like YEAH HUH !!
And then I was all YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SO SHUT UP !
And he was all like YOU ARE NOT COOL !
And I went all three snaps in a Z formation on him and pulled up the interwebs on my cell phone to prove my point that SEE !! RUSSELL SIMMONS WAS NOT IN RUN DMC !!!
So then he was all like WHATEVER and walked away from me.
:::::sigh::::::
My friend Zen Darrell has found an all natural method for keeping squirrels out of his house and attic that does not involve harsh chemicals or killing them.
He's been peeing around the perimeter of his house, marking his territory so to speak.
He's also been removing the " clumped " bits from his cat's litter box and crumpling them all around the back of his property line.
He's not seen a squirrel in a week.
Just wanted to pass that info along to all of you. He did tell me that I could share that with y'all.
Listen, it's not me peeing on my house so don't give me that look, ok ??
::::::sigh:::::::
I had another run in with the worms Sunday night. The Mister expressed that, at that point, he understood what it was like to be blissfully wed to a nine year-old with a crack habit.
Sunday night's run-in did not involve Wham ! but a certain white rapper did play a lead role in what I should start calling my one-woman performance art pieces.
:::::::sigh::::::::::
Patrick Swayze died yesterday. Heaven just got a little funnier if you ask me. RIP Johnny Castle.
:::::::::sigh::::::::::
My sweet Emmsie turned 16 yesterday......perhaps it is time for that AARP card after all.
More on that on this week's RMF.
So, I guess that's it. I hope everyone has a good night.
This post has been brought to you by Three Olives vodka and WFM 365 brand OJ with calcium.
See.....I said I was trying to make better food and beverage choices......WITH CALCIUM !!!
XXOO
Bunny
At any rate, I was expressing to some of my coworkers that I had stumbled across HHTDL via Russell Simmons's Twitter feed.
My coworkers and I are largely high-minded liberal peace and love types...so we're all pretty much down with The Dalai. I knew they'd appreciate to-the-second tweets from HHTDL so I who was I to keep this info all to myself ??
The reactions I got to informing my high-minded, etc, etc coworkers about HHTDL on Twitter were all pretty much the same. They all went a little something like this;
Me: Did you know the Dalai Lama is on Twitter ?
Random Coworker: No, but that's really cool. I'll have to check that out.
Me: Yeah, I found him through Russell Simmons's Twitter feed.
Random Coworker: ** blank stare **
Me: I found him through Russell Simmons's Twitter feed.
RC: ** continued blank stare with the occasional eye bat **
Me: ( heavy, exaggerated sigh ) Do you know who Russell Simmons is ?
RC: No.
Me: ( half volume faux scream ) WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS WHO RUSSELL SIMMONS IS !!?? I FEEL LIKE I LIVE ON MY OWN PLANET !!!!!!
My alienation was only further exacerbated later in the day by my cousin who professed to know who Russell Simmons is. He went on to tell me that, in fact, Russell Simmons was in Run D.M.C.
So then I was all like....NO ! NO HE WAS NOT !
And he was all like YEAH HUH !!
And then I was all YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SO SHUT UP !
And he was all like YOU ARE NOT COOL !
And I went all three snaps in a Z formation on him and pulled up the interwebs on my cell phone to prove my point that SEE !! RUSSELL SIMMONS WAS NOT IN RUN DMC !!!
So then he was all like WHATEVER and walked away from me.
:::::sigh::::::
My friend Zen Darrell has found an all natural method for keeping squirrels out of his house and attic that does not involve harsh chemicals or killing them.
He's been peeing around the perimeter of his house, marking his territory so to speak.
He's also been removing the " clumped " bits from his cat's litter box and crumpling them all around the back of his property line.
He's not seen a squirrel in a week.
Just wanted to pass that info along to all of you. He did tell me that I could share that with y'all.
Listen, it's not me peeing on my house so don't give me that look, ok ??
::::::sigh:::::::
I had another run in with the worms Sunday night. The Mister expressed that, at that point, he understood what it was like to be blissfully wed to a nine year-old with a crack habit.
Sunday night's run-in did not involve Wham ! but a certain white rapper did play a lead role in what I should start calling my one-woman performance art pieces.
:::::::sigh::::::::::
Patrick Swayze died yesterday. Heaven just got a little funnier if you ask me. RIP Johnny Castle.
:::::::::sigh::::::::::
My sweet Emmsie turned 16 yesterday......perhaps it is time for that AARP card after all.
More on that on this week's RMF.
So, I guess that's it. I hope everyone has a good night.
This post has been brought to you by Three Olives vodka and WFM 365 brand OJ with calcium.
See.....I said I was trying to make better food and beverage choices......WITH CALCIUM !!!
XXOO
Bunny
12 September 2009
Falling Off The Wagon.
So lately I've decided that I should make an attempt to eat a bit better. I've chronicled on this very blog about my numerous dietary indiscretions and general poorness of my food and beverage habits.
What brings this on you're wondering ??
I had an epiphany yesterday that perhaps my food choices are too taxing on my GI system and like a hot water heater.....( which is an oxymoron.....do you need to heat water that's already hot ?? It's really kind of an existential question...like what does one hand clapping sound like ? ) it needed to be flushed out.
I began my dietary rehab in earnest yesterday with........a small head of raw broccoli. Followed with two carrots and an apple. And green tea.
I'm sure you can all guess that by the time I got to Stop & Shop later that afternoon I was craving me some bad carbs, and not just any bad carbs.......I'm talking bad as in I-just-got-sent-to-juvy bad carbs.
I bought a double chocolate muffin out of the bakery case and ate the top half of it while driving to my friend Chris's house.
Can you say Glutton ??
I realize it's mighty difficult to change such ingrained habits on a dime - so I forgave myself of this muffin misdeed and told my myself that I'd begin anew tomorrow.
I decided that I needed a little inspiration for " Diet Rehab " and went grocery shopping at WFM early this morning.
I have to say, I did look like the biggest hot mess in the world at WFM this morning....but the folks there, both employees and fellow customers, are so embracing and accepting.....God, WFM is almost like a cult, isn't it ???
At any rate, I didn't feel at all like a hot mess due to their abundance of acceptance and overall hospitable-ness.....
Day two of " Diet Rehab " went much better for me. Although The Mister did express to me that I was a bit crankier than usual.
Fast forward to 4:30 this afternoon to The Mister and I in line at CVS. I guess he had spied me spying the display of juvy-bad 99 cent candy with a certain amount of longing in my eyes.
This resulted in him throwing a bag of sour bright crawlers at me.
I ate half the bag on the 2.5 mile ride home.
Remember THIS POST ??
Turns out that after a consuming a half bag of sour bright crawlers Wham ! can really facilitate one getting ones groove on. It was like Showtime At The Apollo around here for about forty five minutes.
In summation, I guess consuming a half bag of SBC in less than five minutes isn't like falling off the wagon....it's more like belly flopping off the wagon.
I'm going to crawl my fat ass back up on the wagon tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
XO
Bunny
What brings this on you're wondering ??
I had an epiphany yesterday that perhaps my food choices are too taxing on my GI system and like a hot water heater.....( which is an oxymoron.....do you need to heat water that's already hot ?? It's really kind of an existential question...like what does one hand clapping sound like ? ) it needed to be flushed out.
I began my dietary rehab in earnest yesterday with........a small head of raw broccoli. Followed with two carrots and an apple. And green tea.
I'm sure you can all guess that by the time I got to Stop & Shop later that afternoon I was craving me some bad carbs, and not just any bad carbs.......I'm talking bad as in I-just-got-sent-to-juvy bad carbs.
I bought a double chocolate muffin out of the bakery case and ate the top half of it while driving to my friend Chris's house.
Can you say Glutton ??
I realize it's mighty difficult to change such ingrained habits on a dime - so I forgave myself of this muffin misdeed and told my myself that I'd begin anew tomorrow.
I decided that I needed a little inspiration for " Diet Rehab " and went grocery shopping at WFM early this morning.
I have to say, I did look like the biggest hot mess in the world at WFM this morning....but the folks there, both employees and fellow customers, are so embracing and accepting.....God, WFM is almost like a cult, isn't it ???
At any rate, I didn't feel at all like a hot mess due to their abundance of acceptance and overall hospitable-ness.....
Day two of " Diet Rehab " went much better for me. Although The Mister did express to me that I was a bit crankier than usual.
Fast forward to 4:30 this afternoon to The Mister and I in line at CVS. I guess he had spied me spying the display of juvy-bad 99 cent candy with a certain amount of longing in my eyes.
This resulted in him throwing a bag of sour bright crawlers at me.
I ate half the bag on the 2.5 mile ride home.
Remember THIS POST ??
Turns out that after a consuming a half bag of sour bright crawlers Wham ! can really facilitate one getting ones groove on. It was like Showtime At The Apollo around here for about forty five minutes.
In summation, I guess consuming a half bag of SBC in less than five minutes isn't like falling off the wagon....it's more like belly flopping off the wagon.
I'm going to crawl my fat ass back up on the wagon tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
XO
Bunny
10 September 2009
My Dream Job.
No. Working the Taco Bell Drive Thru is not my dream job.
But I imagine screwing with Joe Public would be mighty satisfying.
XO
Bunny
08 September 2009
Please Start Your Prayer Chains Now.
So it seems our beloved Gateway ( THIS ONE ) is on life support. As I'm writing this our PC could crap out and DIE at any moment. At least that's what the kid at Best Buy said. I'm living fast and loose even turning it on, but hey, I love you guys so much that I'm willing to risk it.
Come to think of it.....would you want some 50-something baby boomer looking at your beloved PC ? No. You want the seemingly shiftless twenty something who beat Mortal Combat when he was 11 ripping the cover off it while wielding a screwdriver. Gives me an odd sense of inner peace.
But I digress.
You remember when I blogged about the combination of words that I never thought I'd say.....you know.... the UNICORNS.
Another strange combination of words came out of my mouth earlier this evening at my local Best Buy.
I sashayed myself in there.... (I looked particularly fetching today, I must admit )...and plopped my hard drive up on the Geek Squad counter and as a young gentleman came to my assistance I said......
" I need a Geek. "
Yep.
I. Need. A. Geek.
The Geek ( shamefully I did not catch his name.. ) diagnosed my PC with " a bad graphics card " and then went on to tell me that " you don't have too much longer...."
Which I suppose is sort of like them advising you to call hospice. You know, make your final plans now.
He ( The Geek ) jury rigged it to keep running for the time being. I asked him, between sniffles, how much longer....he said " A week, a month, six months....no way to really tell. "
So, The Mister and I will be backing up our files onto an external hard drive this weekend and start shopping around for a new PC.
And please don't tell me to buy a Mac. I HATE MACS !
Anywho.....F#cking Bill came for a visit this weekend. He seemed to have a good time. And The Mister was SOOOO FREAKIN' HAPPY to see his brother that he drank himself into a stupor on Bushmills and passed out on the porch.
Good Times.
What else ???? Ahhh...I worked in the yard for most of the afternoon yesterday. And.....let's see......I've got a rash. Ummm..... not too much else.
Please pray for my Gateway.
XO
Bunny
Come to think of it.....would you want some 50-something baby boomer looking at your beloved PC ? No. You want the seemingly shiftless twenty something who beat Mortal Combat when he was 11 ripping the cover off it while wielding a screwdriver. Gives me an odd sense of inner peace.
But I digress.
You remember when I blogged about the combination of words that I never thought I'd say.....you know.... the UNICORNS.
Another strange combination of words came out of my mouth earlier this evening at my local Best Buy.
I sashayed myself in there.... (I looked particularly fetching today, I must admit )...and plopped my hard drive up on the Geek Squad counter and as a young gentleman came to my assistance I said......
" I need a Geek. "
Yep.
I. Need. A. Geek.
The Geek ( shamefully I did not catch his name.. ) diagnosed my PC with " a bad graphics card " and then went on to tell me that " you don't have too much longer...."
Which I suppose is sort of like them advising you to call hospice. You know, make your final plans now.
He ( The Geek ) jury rigged it to keep running for the time being. I asked him, between sniffles, how much longer....he said " A week, a month, six months....no way to really tell. "
So, The Mister and I will be backing up our files onto an external hard drive this weekend and start shopping around for a new PC.
And please don't tell me to buy a Mac. I HATE MACS !
Anywho.....F#cking Bill came for a visit this weekend. He seemed to have a good time. And The Mister was SOOOO FREAKIN' HAPPY to see his brother that he drank himself into a stupor on Bushmills and passed out on the porch.
Good Times.
What else ???? Ahhh...I worked in the yard for most of the afternoon yesterday. And.....let's see......I've got a rash. Ummm..... not too much else.
Please pray for my Gateway.
XO
Bunny
03 September 2009
God I Miss Beavis & Butthead !
I'll go ahead and own that one. I luvs me some Beavis & Butthead. There's just something about their sophomoric behavior that appeals to the adolescent in me.
Johnny Knoxville also appeals to the adolescent in me as I had myself quite a laugh at Jackass reruns on MTV a few nights ago.
Although I did pretend to act all high and mighty ( " God, they are so immature ! Only guys do this crap, you'll never see two women pushing each around in shopping carts ! " Why are they whacking each other in the nuts ?? ) between fits of laughter.
Apparently B & B are now doing Film Forum, which you can find on YouTube.
Enjoy !
XO
Bunny
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