Flu!

I think I ate about a pound and a half of fruit salad and three danish type thingies at a staff meeting today in an effort of keep my mouth busy doing something other than letting a stream of obscenities come out of it.

No doubt you're wondering what subject matter was so bothersome to me that I had to use every last drop of willpower I possessed to keep my inner Denis Leary from making an appearance.

Drumroll please..........

The Flu!

More to the point...how to educate forty some odd mentally disabled people about Flu! etiquette and prevention.

First off, you can't kill The Flu! by talking it to death for AN HOUR.

Four pieces of pineapple down the hatch.

Dancing and singing at an in-service about The Flu! won't kill it either.

Six blueberries....mmmmmmm, mighty tasty !

Nor can you kill The Flu! by making people watch videos on YouTube.

Damn this pecan thing from Panera is the bomb !

Making ME get dressed up in the likeness of a Flu! bug and dance and sing most certainly will not kill Flu! bugs either.

I wonder if it would be rude to take the last of the blueberry danish... ?? Four strawberries popped in my piehole....mmmmmm.

So yeah, today's staff meeting was two hours of my life that I, unfortunately, will never get back.

What would I have done had today's staff meeting taken place in some alternate space and time ??

Drumroll please...............

** Slams down plate full of pastries and half-pound of fruit salad **

OK LISTEN, WE CAN ALL TALK AND TALK AND TALK....... BUT SOME OF US, CLIENTS INCLUDED, ARE GONNA GET THE F'ING FLU! NO MATTER HOW MUCH F'ING EDUCATION WE PROVIDE THEM OR HOW MANY INDIVIDUAL F'ING BOTTLES OF F'ING HAND SANITIZERS WE GIVE THEM. WE CAN DANCE AND SING UNTIL THE F'ING COWS COME HOME BUT LISTEN TO ME.....SOME OF US WILL GET THE F'ING FLU! REGARDLESS. IS IT GOING TO SUCK ? YES ! BUT GUESS WHAT ? LIFE JUST F'ING SUCKS SOMETIMES AND PEOPLE GET THE F'ING FLU! IT HAPPENS ! I'VE LISTENED TO YOU ALL BLAHHH BLITTY BLAHHH BLAAHH FOR A F'ING HOUR AND I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS SHIT ANYMORE ! I SEE YOUR MOUTHS MOVING, BUT ALL I'M HEARING IS CHARLIE BROWN'S TEACHER....WAAAHHHH WAHHHH WHHAAAAAA.......

IT'S THE F'ING FLU! NOT THE F'ING NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST !

YOU WANT FLU! PREVENTION.....HERE IT IS. WRITE THIS DOWN PEEPS, I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS SHIT ONCE.

#1. WASH YOUR F'ING HANDS !

#2. GET A F'ING FLU! SHOT IF YOU'RE ELDERLY, PREGNANT OR A SMALL CHILD.

#3. IF YOU'RE SICK STAY THE F*CK HOME.

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL PEOPLE, IF I KNEW STAFF MEETING WAS GOING TO BE THIS MUCH FUN F'ING TODAY I WOULD HAVE STAYED THE F*CK HOME AND READ MY NEW ISSUE OF HOUSE F'ING BEAUTIFUL !

**picks plate of danish thingies and fruit salad back up and resumes eating **


An to top it off I was VERY RUDELY interrupted by another employee of my agency yesterday when he decided that he JUST HAD TO TELL MY BOSS THAT ACCORDING TO THE CDC SHE'S BEEN CROSS CONTAMINATING THE HAND SANITIZER BOTTLES !

And I'm all like...OK dude, don't worry, 'cause you know, nothing I was sitting in my boss's office talking to her about was more important than CROSS CONTAMINATING THE HAND SANITIZERS ! I mean, my God...I'm sorry for even, you know, having the nerve to exist and breathe and whatnot WHEN THERE ARE HAND SANITIZER BOTTLES BEING ARE BEING CROSS CONTAMINATED ! OH THE F'ING HUMANITY !

You know, I've worked for this agency for nearly seven years and I have absolutely no clue what he does. I really don't. Not that I really care. Unfortunately he's one of those guys that thinks because he's in possession of a penis that somehow what he has to say is way more important that anyone else - you know, those of us without penises......... D-bag.

My friend " K " put a neat little bow on all of this Flu! talk;

" You know, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when their opinions are really lame it make them really hard to deal with. "

Why do I keep writing Flu! with an exclamation point ?? Total plagiarism. CLICK HERE.

So yeah, wash your hands peeps.

XO
Bunny

P.S.
Jon Knight is still hot.