Mr. & Mrs. Hot Stuff Explained.

My sister got married in the Fall of '07. As tends to happen with weddings, there was a photographer - I don't recall his name right now. For the purpose of this post let's refer to him as " Jimmy ".

Judging by the quality of my sister's wedding pic, Jimmy was / is a competent enough photographer.
However, Jimmy was.....how shall I put this ? A little too much " Mr. Personality " for my liking.

I've noticed over the course of time that I tend to shy away from men with too commanding of a personality. There's something about a guy with too much machismo that bothers me for some reason. There is one guy at work who happens to be loved by all. Except me. I've had a few interactions with this individual that have rubbed me the wrong way. I've come to realize that he's basically a HUGE blowhard - his bark is way worse than his bite.

Anywho....back to Jimmy...he's probably photographed 950,000 weddings. And due to the sheer number of weddings that he's probably witnessed he's probably learned that you don't ( and can't ) learn the names of all of the wedding attendants. So as a professional skill ( coping mechanism ?? ) Jimmy had taken to calling all of the attendants in my sister's wedding " Cutie ".

I suppose " Cutie " is better than " Hey You "....but being called " Cutie " forty dozen times in an afternoon ?? I had to put a stop to it.

Cutie, look over here. Hey Cutie, can you stand next to her. Cutie, turn your shoulders a bit. Cutie we need to sit down a bit in front. Cutie, lay your bouquet in your lap. You, Cutie can you just lean a bit more to the side for me. Cutie, this one is just you and the bride. Cutie, we're gonna get the girls with the groom now. Hey Cutie, can you just stand over here.

I figured a right hook to the jaw was probably a little over the top. I'm way too classy for that.
So I figured I'd wait until the next time he called me " Cutie " to fire my verbal weapon.
I knew it wasn't going to be long........

" Hey Cutie, I need you over here for pictures."

** sound of shot gun being cocked **

I did a snap turn on my crayola crayon purple, gem encrusted ballet flat. Hands slapped to my hips with no regard for my beautiful bouquet. And in the best, un-Mary Poppins voice I said

" You know, I REALLY prefer Hot Stuff. "


I think he was taken aback a bit. He froze for a half second;

" Ok, Hot Stuff it is then. "

From that point on I was " Hot Stuff " and all the other gals were " Cutie ".

I know, I know, I'm getting to the Mr. & Mrs. part....

Later in the evening I wanted to get a picture of The Mister and I in our wedding finest. I found Jimmy and requested said picture.

Jimmy said " Sure" so I trotted off to find The Mister.

Truthfully, at this point, after putting an abrupt stop to his "Cutie " routine he would have given me anything I asked for, most likely out of sheer fright.

Looking back I should have made a play for all the money in his wallet. But you know what they say, Hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, I found The Mister and dragged him back to where I'd left Jimmy. I walked up to Jimmy and said;

" This is Mr. Hot Stuff. "

So there you have it. Mr & Mrs. Hot Stuff, explained.

XOXO
Bunny


P.S. Am I the only person who gets a cold in August ?

Dusty.

Ok, you guys are all gonna laugh at this one. This is REALLY funny. And when I say, THIS IS REALLY FUNNY what I really mean is that all of you will be relieved that none of you can make an utter, ridiculous fool of yourselves quite the way that I can ( and did ) as fantastically as I have over the period of the past month or so.

Do you remember me telling you about Team Miller ? Yes, them. Our fantabulous friends. I mean, you'll not find two more awesome people ( besides The Mister and I ) anywhere. Funny, engaging, generous..... I could go on and on. Their one collective flaw seems to be that they are both Steelers and Phillies fans. But they are otherwise above reproach, so The Mister and I are willing to overlook this this small, unsavory fact.

Anywho......I've been leaving numerous voice mails and texts for Trix for about a month now. Message after message, text after text, with no acknowledgement of receipt of any of these messages. I know she's got her hands full with a FT job and her two beautiful children and was probably a bit too busy to get back to me.
But still, I kept leaving messages. Each more ridiculous and comedic than the last.
Those that know me well enough to have my cell number and I theirs know that I can leave a doozie of a VM.

You should ask my sister about Cell Phone Karaoke when you get a minute.........

Anyway, back to Trix......I figured that if I amused her enough, if I made her laugh hard enough, she's see fit to call me when she had a free moment.

I sent a one line text to her yesterday;

Are you still alive ?

I heard back from her about five hours later to let me know that she was, in fact, still roaming planet Earth.

So where does Dusty come in you ask ?

Apparently I was unaware that she ( Trix ) had taken a new job and her cell phone had been given to the son of the owner of the company she used to work for.
They were unable to change over the message greeting until the end of the month.

So I'd been leaving these messages for Dusty, the owner's son.

I invited Dusty to a party....he didn't show up. I told Dusty that the guest room was finished...I'm praying I failed to tell Dusty that the theme of the guest room is Bohemian French Whore...... I may have even ragged on the Phillies a bit. I think I also told Dusty a few dirty jokes.

Ooopsie. My bad.

I hope Dusty has a sense of humor.

** waves ** " Hiya Dusty !! "

XOXO
Bunny

Retro Music Friday - A Two Part'er.

Ok so I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like there was something in my eye. So as I lay half awake in the wee dawn hours I rubbed my eye in an attempt to get whatever it was out of my eye. I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed to no avail. My eye still didn't feel quite right.

I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to take a look-see in the mirror.

To my horror I discovered that I resembled Rocky Balboa.

By this time The Mister was also up and upon viewing me doing my very best , albeit unintentional and involuntary, impression of The Italian Stallion he said;

" Jeez Babe...you might.......ahhhhh....wanna get that looked at today. Eww.. "

Here is the theme to Rocky.

The movie Rocky was released in 1976, the same year as me. Sly Stallone was only 30 when he portrayed Rocky Balboa. Rocky won an Oscar for best picture.

At any rate, I called into work and let my boss know not to expect me that day.

I trotted myself off to the Dr. mid-morning. This is what ensued during that visit;

Dr: What seems to be the problem today ?

Me: Ummm...my eye.

Dr: Oh my goodness yes, would you look at that. ** steps closer ** Hmmm. ** reaches up to poke me in the eye ** Does that hurt ?

Me: Well no. Not really.

Dr: ** pokes me in the eye again ** How 'bout now ?

Me: No.

Dr: ** pulls my eyelid off my eyeball ** Does that hurt ?

Me: No. I mean, it's uncomfortable because it's swollen, but it doesn't really hurt.

Dr: ** pushes my entire eyelid toward the bridge of my nose ** That doesn't hurt ?

Me: No.

Dr: ** takes a step back and rubs chin ala Sherlock Holmes ** Hmmmm..... well, I think it's a sty. But stys are painful and you don't seem to be in any pain. But it could be an allergy of some sort. ** steps closer and peels my eye lid off my eyeball again ** It doesn't seem to be weeping or have any discharge, so that's good. It might me a bacterial infection. But I'm pretty sure it's just a sty.

So I left the Dr with a three step program for what is most likely a sty. Or an allergy. Or perhaps a bacterial infection.

I seem to be much better as of today. My eye is no longer swollen.

Here's Doctor My Eyes by Jackson Browne. This was on Jackson Browne's debut album, released in 1972.

Enjoy them both.

Oh hey, guess what ? I spoke to the assisted living facility's director yesterday ( strictly off the record ) and lo and behold, they don't want to lose my older client over 3K either ! Btw, I was soooo not supposed to speak to them regarding finances. Can you say " Hot Water " ? But since when have I not broken the rules to suit my own needs ? Anywho, the director told me that we could certainly work something out and she's get back to me.

Little ol' me could accomplish what a conference room full of government hacks could not.

G'head and say it..... I Kick Ass !

XOXO

Bunny

Identity Crisis.

There have been faint rumblings regarding my older client and her current living situation for a few months now. For a time I merely ignored these rumblings, because what was being suggested was/is a hellish nightmare that I am not willing to subject myself ( or her ) to. It seems that this week the rumblings have become too loud to ignore.

To the point; it is being suggested that my older client move due to funding issues. More specifically, a lack of funding issue. Or perhaps a fixed funding issue with no clause to account for inflation would be a more apt description.

The assisted living she has been residing in since 2006 has been bought out by another company who promptly raised their rates. This was right after they remodeled the interior common areas and hallways.....for the third time in two years.

Yeah, that one didn't make much sense to me either. But we don't have time to discuss the fugly yellow wallpaper right now............

( Some that know me know that I HATE the color yellow. Like, I despise yellow. Yellow must die a horrible, painful death. HATE YELLOW !!! )

Anywho, she ( my older client ) has a very limited amount of funding that is allowing her to remain at this facility. Now with the rate increase there is a funding shortfall.

So the geniuses at the nameless government agency that oversees her funding have decided that she must move to a less expensive facility.

At first I was all like....well, ok. If she must.

After I wasted some of my precious brain cells thinking about this matter I have since revised my opinion. While I was driving to work yesterday my thought pattern went a little something like this;

" Ok, they want her to move because she can't afford to live there anymore. But a move costs money. Money she doesn't have. And it's real easy for a bunch of government hacks to decide that she needs to move because they won't have to move her. All the move details will fall to me and I AIN'T MOVING HER AGAIN. I've moved her five times and each move sucked more than the last. I AIN'T MOVING HER AGAIN. But wait, if the facility they're suggesting that she move to costs less, how good is the quality of care ? Probably not great...which is only going to mean one thing....more freakin' work for me. More people to chase after when the bathroom is dirty. More people to nag when the clothes look like holy hell and I have to toss them and buy new. Freakin' dope government hacks ! I AIN'T MOVING HER AGAIN ! And then what about her ?? She's not gonna tolerate a move too well in her advancing years. Which is only gonna lead to stress and.....Stress ? This is gonna really stress me out. My God, if I have to move her again I might develop a drinking prob.....I AIN'T MOVING HER AGAIN ! Christssake, she's gonna flip her shit if she moves, which is only gonna lead to her having stress and anxiety issues......I'm gonna have to deal with her hissy fits and the only one around here who gets to have hissy fits is me !

Stupid dumbasses at D_ _ !

** sarcastic impersonation of nameless gov't hack **

" Ohhhh, lets just move her. Yeah, sounds like a primo plan ! "



Ok, but wait, what amount are we talking exactly here ? ** quickly does math in head **
Carry the one.........THREE THOUSAND BUCKS ! THEY WANT ME TO MOVE HER OVER THREE GRAND ! Oh man, they can kiss my butt! Three freakin' grand. Crap. I'll pay that myself to not have to move her. Three grand is not worth me ending up in AA.

I can't believe a rash of government dipshits all sat around a conference table and decided that she needs to move OVER THREE GRAND ! AAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!


Wait, ok, let's think this through. The assisted living facility is a business. They're all about making money. Money, HA ! Clearly the asshats at D_ _ didn't consider the HUMAN price in all their grandiose plans.....Ok, focus here....they're not gonna wanna lose a CONSIDERABLE amount of money over three grand. That'll be like....well....like...Ok. I don't know what it would be like, but it would be really dumb. I wonder if anyone thought to approach the assisted living to see if we could work something out, perhaps locking a rate because technically she's low income. I mean, surely they're not gonna wanna sit on an empty apartment over three grand. Bad for business. I'm sure there has got to be another solution to all this. Wait, aren't there obscenely wealthy people who look to give their cash away ? What if we got her a grant of some sort ? That might buy her a few more years there. Or maybe we could get her a roommate ? Hmmmm...


Freakin' dumb dopes wanna move her over three grand. I can't believe they all sat around and not one of them could come up with a better idea than to move her......

:::::::::sigh :::::::::::



This my friends, is your tax dollars at work. A conference room full of highly educated people and not one of them thought to approach the assisted living or consider an alternate funding source.
I'm convinced the greater the number of government employees you have in a conference room the more drastic the drop in their collective IQ.


** I'm not a gov't employee. I work for a gov't contractor. Big difference. **


I presented the aforementioned ideas to my boss. She seemed to think that investigating alternate means of keeping my older client in her current living situation was a brilliant idea.

Wish me luck.

I should tell you that I am willing her not to move. I just keep telling myself over and over again that it won't happen. Let's hope willing it not to happen works.



So where does the Identity Crisis come in ?


I had another revelation yesterday morning while I was driving to work. For those familiar with the Boston suburbs....they ( the State Highway Division ) has been working on the bridge at the Rt 1 north / Rt 95 interchange in Sharon, MA for nearly five years.

Five years to fix a bridge and repave the road.

If the State Highway Division were a private entity this project would have been done long ago.


The secondary revelation I had yesterday was that although for the majority of my life my political identity ( identity....not affiliation ) was mostly aligned with the Democratic party, I think I might actually be........you may want to sit for this one.........I may actually be a Libertarian.



I've come to the realization that Government ( State, Fed, etc. ) only exists to feed its own ineptitude.

If say, the USPS was privatized stamps might not cost 44 cents. If we privatized the Highway Division road projects would be done at lightning speed.

If the nameless Gov't agency that supervises my client were privatized, perhaps she'd not have to pack it up over 3K.



So there you have it.

Hi. My name is Bunny and I'm a Libertarian.



XO
Bunny

Retro Music Friday - A Day Late.

SOMEONE FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT !!!!!

In case anyone was wondering, the guy in the above pic is the stoner loser from the Twilight movie. Everyone, well ok not everyone, but a lot of people seem to think he's hot.
Except me.
If it looks like a loser and it smells like weed and BO.....it's not hot.
Call me crazy, but I'd don't think guys who looked like they've just rolled out of the gutter and/or have recently been paroled are all that and some Skittles.
I hope he's enjoying his 15 minutes, 'cause the clocks ticking....... Mark my words, in twenty years he's gonna look like Steve Buscemi.
If y'all wanna see pure hotness in its simplest form please CLICK HERE.

And because I so totally enjoy being random, here is La Grange by ZZ Top. It really doesn't have much to do with anything this week. I just happen to like this song. It was released in 1973, the same year that F#cking Bill was also " released ".

For more information regarding La Grange please CLICK HERE.

Happy Saturday All !!

XXOXOX

Bunny

The Eyes Are The Windows Of Your Face.

THIS WEBSITE has done an analysis of my personality based on the following photo of my face;

Yes, this pic is one of those photos. It has been heavily cropped.

So here it is;

This woman reacts to a situation instantly. She is known to make split second decisions. The impulsive type, she can also be pretty emotional. Her patience with others eventually wears thin, and she can show annoyance if someone rubs her the wrong way.
The woman is pretty conservative in her views; she likes a traditional, established lifestyle.
She rejects conservative lifestyles and beliefs, and instead prefers to create new ideas, invent new methods, and find new solutions in just about any environment: work, school or home.
She figures she can't afford to lose her temper or raise her voice when irritated. This would not be smart. So she tries to keep her feelings balanced.
In terms of making friends and meeting people, she is selective. She chooses friends carefully and deliberately, and is just as purposeful in buying a television as selecting a friend. You'll just have to sit down and get comfortable while she researches and makes her final purchase; it may take a while.
This woman is disciplined and methodical and may be successful in life as a solid businessperson.
She has an eye for fashion detail and a natural talent for creating stylish combinations.
An optimistic woman, her strong, independent personality may be reflected in her music and clothing tastes.
The woman tends to be somewhat insecure or unsure of herself, but tries to raise her self-esteem by weighing her own knowledge and experience against other people's knowledge and experience.
She is thrifty and saves money. Marriage, home and family are very important priorities for her.

My patience ? Wearing thin at times ? Who ? Me ? Naahhhhh........ hehehe.

The Mister laughed his ass off when he read that.

Anywho....anyone else have any thoughts ???? Drop me a line.

If the title of this post does not make any sense to you please CLICK HERE.

Oh yeah...the Sox got in a big ol' fracas last night. Youkbacca charged the mound and was then ejected from the game. My man Mikey Lowell then came in as Youk's replacement and promptly belted not one but TWO homers ! GOD I LOVE MIKE LOWELL !!!!!

Xooooo

Bunny

F#ckin' Bill. **

So the other night ( after we got home from the wedding we went to ) The Mister and I were lying in bed, it was late and I was trying to drift off to sleep after all the day's excitement.
( I ended up with the Bride's bouquet...yeah, I know. I'm married. Believe me, it's not worth explaining......)

The Mister had the TV tuned to Comedy Central, which was airing a George Lopez stand-up special. I was facing away from the TV, but I could still hear the comedic styling of Mr. Lopez and had myself numerous chuckles.
I had been laughing heartily enough that I decided to turn over and give Mr. Lopez my full attention.

He's really quite funny you know - sort of like the Hispanic Sinbad.

At any rate, he ( George ) went on and on about his friend Ralph. He had related to the audience that his buddy Ralph had, from a very early age, been given the moniker " F#cking Ralph " by his peer group.
He ( George ) mused about how Ralph had become separated from the rest of his peer group at the movie theatre one night and despite many attempts at calling him by his full given name he failed to respond. So they had Ralph paged as " F#cking Ralph ", to which he promptly responded.

After a few more giggles on my part I said to The Mister;

" Gee, you know, we do the same thing with your brother......... F#cking Bill. "

To which he said;

" You know, we do. We ALL do...."

Perhaps the next time we have to necessitate calling Bill over a PA system we should have him paged as " F#cking Bill. ".

Something tells me though, that if we were ever to actually do that to Bill that the moment he made eye contact with us or was within earshot there would be HELL. TO. PAY., which may or may not include a steam of obscenities and multiple, less-than-kind hand gestures.

XOXO
Bunny

** Bill, I'm addressing you directly now....I feel that I should tell you that when we refer to you as " F#cking Bill " we do so with utmost respect and in the most affectionate manner possible.

The New Models Are Coming Out Early This Year......

Here is the 2009 Model of " Bunny & The Mister ".

Or as I prefer to call us.........." Mr. & Mrs. Hot Stuff ".

Xoooo

Bunny

P.S. We went to a wedding today.

Retro Music Friday - My Violent Thud Onto Terra Firma.

Hey.....Y'all remember me telling you about my " older " client ? Should you need to refresh your collective memories please click HERE and HERE.

So I happened to be at her apartment yesterday, you know, vacuuming smashed potato chips out of the carpet for the 49,993rd time this year. ( despite the number of times I've oh-so-nicely asked her to try to eat her preferred brand of chips a bit more daintily she continues to tear into those shiny, yellow bags like a stray dog prowling the streets on the night before trash day. ) She never " asks " me to vacuum up the chips.......she shakes her little, arthritic, elderly finger at me and tells me I've got some cleaning to do........ Which I usually follow up with telling her that if she weren't such a slob I wouldn't have so much cleaning to do. To which she tells me that 1) she can't help it and 2) she's too old to give a rat's ass about cleanliness anymore.

I realize that all this seems like it's pretty harsh, but I can assure all of you that it's really quite comical.

I also fixed up her hair and slapped a clean shirt on her before dinner among other things yesterday. At one point I had my back turned to her and she gave me a compliments of sorts;

" Gee Hon, you look really skinny from the back. "

Translation: Your ass isn't so fat anymore.

( I've lost a significant amount of weight.....)

I turned to thank her for her kind words but before I could utter anything she jumped in with the following statement.

" It's just too bad about your face......"

( had some issues with clogged pores lately. )

As I stood there with my mouth agape, at a loss to verbalize on the moment, she began to giggle uncontrollably.

I then closed my mouth and proceeded to gather up all her dirty laundry.

You know, I find these little moments humbling. Mostly between slams of forehead into the nearest wall.

Not sure if any of you've heard, but John Hughes passed away yesterday morning. Please enjoy this little montage of his fine films.

I think my favorite John Hughes moment is Anthony Micheal Hall sitting in the ghetto bar, bombed out of his gourd, in Weird Science. Which sadly I am unable to find a video of at this time.

And yours ????

XOOOO

Bunny

Desk Chair Yoga.

So, it seems I have sort of this unconscious habit of doing what The Mister refers to as " Desk Chair Yoga ".
As I cruise the interwebs shoe shopping and reading trashy celebrity gossip all the while pretending that my fan-dom of The Huffington Post TOTALLY negates any browsing I may do over at People.com......I have the tendency to stretch a bit.

I guess it goes a little something like this;

Arms over head, hands interlocked and raised as high as I can get them. Then the raised arms / interlocked hands get shifted from side to side for a good thirty seconds or so on each side. Then I put one hand at a time behind my head and push my elbow down until I have my palm between my shoulder blades. Repeat with the other arm. Sometimes I then scoot the chair back and push against the desk while flexing my legs out straight underneath the desk.

The Mister seems to enjoy watching this whole routine. Especially if it's the AM class of Desk Chair Yoga as I'm usually wearing something skimpy that constitutes Pjs and my hair looks like I've stuck my finger in a light socket.

He's made some rather lewd statements regarding " Desk Chair Yoga " that I will not reiterate. I feel I must do my part to maintain any shred of a reputation he has of being an upstanding citizen - or something like that.

XXOO
Bunny

" How Random Can We Be ? " - The Mister

So if some were to ask us ( Me & The Mister ) what we happened to do say this evening.......this
would be most likely what we'd be apt to relate to said inquiring individual;

" Well, first I ( Bunny ) modeled some perspective outfits for a wedding that we're attending this weekend while The Mister dispensed his fashion advice. Then we reheated leftover pasta and turkey meatballs for dinner while we listened to The Allman Brothers and read the Crate and Barrel catalog. Then we had some cocktails. Then I ( Bunny ) cleaned a deceased lady's jewelry that I sort of inherited - then The Mister decided that " Dead Lady's Gems " would be a great name for a band. Then we had some more cocktails while we ate berries and watched " The Dolla Dance " on YouTube. Then we talked about having a bunch of parties. Then we made fun of my ( Bunny's ) sister for a few minutes. Then we ate some chocolate pudding while we decided that we really couldn't picture Mumbles Mile doing " The Dolla Dance " while we listened to The Tom Tom Club's remake of " Love To Love You Baby. "

^ BTW, this entire time I was clothed only in my undergarments. ^

The Mister expressed his thoughts that the above described evening activities would not at all be out of line say, if we were heroin addicts. However, heroin addicts we are not. We're just, well.....random. That and....we have no kids.


XXOO
Bunny

Dawn Comes To Marblehead.

This weekend The Mister and I were puttering around the house, tidying up and whatnot.....
We were listening to the radio whilst doing so and the song Lola by The Kinks came on.

I didn't think much of it since it was probably the 999,963rd time I've heard it in my life.
I don't really know how many times The Mister has heard this song. I guess not quite as many as myself........mid-putter he stopped and asked the following;

" Hey, is this song........is this song about a Tranny ? "

I had no witty retort to that question. I affirmed that in fact, yes, " Lola " is about a Tranny and went on about my business.

In a somewhat related story; The Mister was 19 before he found out that his " Aunt S" was really biologically related to him. He had been under the impression, for the whole of his 19 years, that " Aunt S " had belonged to the neighbors and that his Grandmother had adopted her.

I should share with you that when The Mister's mother realized that he had believed that " Aunt S " was adopted she laughed her butt off. As did " Aunt S " when the story was related to her.

I guess you could say that although I'm more chronically, dripping faucet " dim bulb on the circuit " - the Mister tends to drop carpet bombs of dim bulb-ness.


XO
Bunny