This Apple Fell Far, Far Away From The Tree.

I'm not sure how a left-leaning, bleeding heart liberal ( and no, I'm not ashamed to admit it ) such as myself managed to come from two gun-toting Republican parents.

Which only further fuels my speculation that I am in fact adopted and my real parents ( with YACHTS and BUTLERS ! ) will be coming to get me soon.

My mother ( the person who is supposed to love and accept you for who you are - unconditionally) for some reason CANNOT STAND the fact the I make it a blanket policy to never vote for Republicans. She has tried, many times, to gently and in the most sickly-sweet candy and lollipop voice she can muster ( which is sooooo not like her ) to so beautifully illustrate to me how my life could be as perfect as a Snuggle fabric softener commercial IF I'D JUST VOTE FOR A REPUBLICAN !

Although in a moment of temporary insanity I let my spouse talk me into voting for Mitt Romney. I like to think that I was too taken with his uber coiff to pay attention to the fact that he was a Republican. It is one of the few moments of weakness I've had in my life.

This was our conversation last night;

Me: " Hey Mom, I got a pic on my email about that free kitten I was telling you about and I went ahead and forwarded it to your email. "

Mom: " OK, let me get to my email so I can look at it........OH HOW CUTE IS SHE ! "

Me: " Yeah, she's really cute, she looks part Siamese..."

Mom: " Did you know that John McCain chose a woman to run with him ."

Me: " You know, Republicans eat kittens. "

Was she hoping that I would associate John McCain with a cute, fluffy kitten ? Is she really sinking that low ?

My Dad takes the Killing Ants With A Bazooka approach in trying to convince me that I should perhaps alter my political leanings.
Basically it amounts to much screaming and frustration, with a certain amount of clawing at the flesh on his face, on his part for him to make his argument that GWB was placed on this earth by the right hand of Jesus himself.

And I'm all fingers in my ears singing LA LA LA LA LA !

I can imagine them sitting quietly enjoying a nice dinner by themselves wondering where they went wrong with me.
I mean, I LISTEN TO NPR AND BUY ORGANIC VEGETABLES ! WHAT COULD THEY HAVE POSSIBLY DONE TO DESERVE THIS !

Then I further imagine that over dessert they calmly write me out of the will.

Yes kids, McBush did choose a woman to run with him. Did you know she's a former beauty queen ?

Wait, my bad............. SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM WINNER.

I told you Republicans were misogynists.

_______________________________________________

How did the home inspection go you ask ?

Beyond wonderful.

Super wonderful - it was almost raining daisies !

We're supposed to close on October 30th.



Xooo

Bunny

Retro Music Friday - The Pedophile Weirdo Turns 50 !

I was just thinking about Michael Jackson the other day as I had heard Don't Stop Till You Get Enough on the radio and thought it great inspiration for RMF.
In an odd stroke ( no pun intended ) of coincidence today just happens to be MJ's 50th birthday.

I guess MJ thinks he's flippin' special or something because you can't embed any of his vids from YouTube. For today's RMF please CLICK HERE.

You can hardly find any Prince vids on Youtube, but because Prince is Prince you kind of expect that from him. It only further adds to the enigma that is the Purple One. For some reason no MJ embedding on YouTube just makes MJ look like a spoiled brat.
But I digress.

How cool was Billie Jean back in the day ? I clearly remember thinking that vid was the coolest shit I'd ever seen in my life when I was eight. That light up sidewalk - man oh man - in my eight-year-old-white-bread-cul de sac-world MJ was the bomb !
I even had the MJ in a yellow sweater vest poster in my room. And ( try not to be jealous ) I had a MJ half shirt ( same pic as the yellow sweater vest poster ) WITH FRINGE !

Yep, my eight-year-old-self was one hot mess.

Why my mother ever let me dress like that or even let me be seen in public wearing said shirt is just beyond me.
Wrap your collective heads around this one - when I was eight my mother was the age I am now. YIKES !

At any rate....at some point MJ just got plain ol bizarre. I guess this is what happens when you live an " artificial " life devoid of normal activities and interactions. I won't go into great detail because we all know how bizarre he is.

So - MJ is 50. I can only imagine what kind of Nation Inquirer worthy type stuff will be going on at his birthday party.
________________________________________

In other news - we are having our home inspection today. Wish us luck.

Xoooo
Bunny

I'll Take " Stuff I Never Thought I'd Say. " For $500 Alex....

" I'm totally in love with a 60 year old Gastrointerologist..."

" You know, I really like Biggie Smalls. "

" I think we have too much frozen meat. "

" I just wanna go home and look at Jordan Knight's ass for an hour. "

" I bet Buffalo Wing Pancakes would be really good. "


" You know, he's the most pathologically heterosexual guy I know. "

" Does Christie Brinkley really need to be liberated ? "


TTFN !
Xooo
Bunny

You Know Jaquard Drapes Probably Get Her All Hot & Bothered Too.

Who knew Martha Stewart was such a dirty girl !


X0000
Bunny

Cougar Aspirations Down The Drain.

I talked to my mom & sister ( briefly ) yesterday and among the things we discussed were hot Sox players.
Much to the chagrin of everyone I know I've always had a thing for Mark Bellhorn. Although when I tell people I've always had a thing for Mark Bellhorn they look at me like I just sneezed on the salad bar.
And Kevin Millar - as I've said before, the TV does not do him justice.
And we all know how I feel about Mike Lowell.

I told my mom that I thought Jacoby Ellsbury was hot and this is what she said...

" Yeah, he's cute, but he's way too young for you....."


XO
Bunny

The Tao Of The Hissy Fit.

I may be a spoiled brat, but I'm a spoiled brat with A STOVE !
More to the point, I'm a spoiled brat with a really expensive Jenn Air stove.

Buffy told us that the wife did not want the stove but her hubs did.

I suppose the lesson we can all learn here is that betting against the wife is like better against the house in Vegas. Just like the house always wins, the wife always wins.

They also agreed to change the conditions of the P & S, so we're all good.

Have a great day, m'kay?

XO
Bunny

The Weekly Roundup.

I realize that I am quite fond of the bullets.

* The sellers of the house, as it turns out, may be a wee bit on the skeevy ( sp?) side. The conditions of the current P & S are unacceptable to us. Unless they ( the sellers ) agree to change them we will be walking away from this house. Continue to stay tuned. And here Buffy was probably thinking after two years of showing us houses she was almost done with us. HA !

* Brock did in fact help me write my " Dear Jon " letter. Although after obliging me in my request for his comedic assistance ( as I have stated previously he is the funniest person I've ever met ) he said " I can't believe I'm taking part in this." which he promptly followed up with " I can't believe my wife is in love with a gay man. " Come to think of it....Brock has always told me I was a closeted fag hag, I never believed him until now.

* While we're on it, I have to say, having such a MASSIVE crush on a gay man did make me question my taste in men there for, like, 5 minutes.

* I realize it appears as if Brock and I have dove off the deep end recently. I was trying to figure out the other day why, all of a sudden, we seem to be swinging from the crazy tree. We were discussing this just yesterday and came to a couple of conclusions.

1. We had a lot of very unfortunate and unnecessary things happen to us early in our marriage. These unfortunate events did not allow us to " sow our oats " as we were knee deep in guano for the better part of eight years. Now that the black cloud of BS seems to have passed we are finally having a good time. (Lucky for us the staggering amount of BS we endured only seemed to push us closer together, where as most would have fallen apart. )

2. We are the only ( married ) people we know ( besides my sister & hubs ) without kids. Which, for better or worse, seems to afford us SHITLOADS of free time that we've been filling up with the sowing of said wild oats.

Our life, since about April, has looked mostly like this;

Drinking, sex, burritos, shopping, drinking, concerts, sex, thai food, house hunting, drinking, listening to The Stones, sex, concerts,swimming, house hunting, sex, drinking, burgers, Red Sox, drinking, listening to Journey, swimming, shopping, sex, drinking, shopping, Red Sox, concerts, The Chieftain, sex and drinking.

I know these are the things we probably should have been doing at 22, but for the reasons stated above, we missed out on them. It's all good though, I think that at 32 we are much more appreciative of the happy-fun-time we're having now than we would have been at 22.
And there seems to be a whole lot of THIS going on here lately.

I hope you can all appreciate my honesty.


* I'm not sure if you've all read my new tag line underneath the title of my blog. It is a phrase I use quite frequently with regard to one of my clients. She tends to overract in situations (i.e. Killing Ants With A Bazooka ) that don't require such a reaction. Given that I've been her case manager for about three years now I have an very intimate understanding of her psyche and how to redirect her. I felt that it was perhaps applicable to me in some situations.

* Therese sent me some recent pics of the kids, which I promptly stuck to the fridge. They are some damn cute kids! I'm going to have to resist the urge to slather them in BBQ sauce and eat them up the next time I see them.

* I've become quite the salad maker lately. I think I may even be giving Tim a run for his money. Have I mentioned that I am OBSESSED with THIS salad dressing as of late ? I scored a HUGE bottle of it at WFM yesterday at HALF PRICE !


* I started the Freebie discussion at work this week and WOW ! What an odd assortment of Freebies! Without naming names as to whom they belong to here are a few....

Henry Cavill
Evan Dando
Jeff Goldblum
Lisa Bonet
Bjork
Faye Dunaway
Mary Tyler Moore ( in her DVD show days )
Scarlett Johansen ( whom I've decided is the George Clooney for men )
and
Brad Pitt ( the now version of him, not the T &L version. )

* I've had this song stuck in my head for two days and more shockingly - I actually like it.


Oh well, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend.


Xooooo
Bunny

Retro Music Friday - My Dear Jon Letter.**

Given that I've found out this week that the HOTTEST guy I've seen in A LONG, LONG TIME is ( most likely ) gay, I felt it was perhaps time to end things between he and I.

Dear Jon,

Although our time together was brief, I don't think I could ever forget you. ( ugh, I'm not sure I can even do this.....) When I laid eyes on you back in April, well, let's just say that shy smile and easy laugh of yours did me in ( holy crap you make me so horny ! ). I couldn't get enough. You even made it to my freebie list ( oh hell, I'd pay you ! ). I looked forward to returning home from work everyday to see your smiling face on my desktop wallpaper( stop licking the screen, stop licking the screen.... ) . I even dreamed of doing unspeakable, dirty things to you ( mmmm....) - but that's between you and me.

I thought what we had was special. ( what a fool am I ! )

Now I hear that you may be batting for the other team and I have to say, this tears me up inside. Leaves me broken hearted even.I should have seen this coming. I should have known a man as devastatingly handsome and, dare I say, as breathtakingly masculine as you ( not to mention as sharp a dresser as you are ) was too good to be true for this ( or any ) straight girl.

I'll just be packing up my things and moving over to " Camp Donnie "( maybe I'll get a day pass to " Camp Danny " Ooohh, those guns ! ). Oh, I know he won't treat me near as nicely as you did( I know he'll end up using me like a blow up doll ), I know I'll have to settle on being another notch on his bedpost if you will. But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

We can still be friends ( with bennies maybe ? maybe ? maybe just a little making out ? OK FINE ! HAVE IT YOUR WAY !) though, if that is OK with you.

Try not to worry about me, I'll be alright without you ( it's not stalking, it's not stalking, it's not stalking.....btw, your trash needs to go out. )

Why do goodbyes have to be so hard ( damn it I can't quit you !) ?

NKOTB 4EVA !
XXOO
Bunny
A relapsed Donnie girl with a certain fondness for Jon.

_____________________________________________

This is I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross. As the date on the video shows it was from February 1981. I wasn't yet 5, nor had I even started kindergarten.

Enjoy.

XO

Bunny

** The Dear Jon letter was composed in part by me and the hubs. He felt it was best to end things as well.

17.

Today marks 17 months logged in at the CCAA.
The 2006 me thought we'd have a baby by now.
Foolish, foolish woman.

In case you were all wondering, number #17 on our beloved Sox is Hyde Park's own Manny Del Carmen. A.k.a MDC in these parts. I couldn't find a clear pic of MDC in his Sox uni with # 17 showing. So - here is MDC in his old PawSox uni.

______________________________________________

How am I you ask ? Hmmm......to say this week has been a little nuts is a gross understatement.
I'll give y'all the bullets.

* We've gotten a disclosure and a P & S for a house.
* I've been negotiating a late close date for a stove.
* I've called three different home inspectors to get bids.
* I've called two real estate attorneys.
* I've spoken with Buffy 241,899 times this week.
* One of my clients has a rash.
* One of my clients got suspended from his job @ S & S.
* One of my clients has a stress fracture in her foot.
* My hamper is overflowing.
* My sink is overflowing with dirty dishes.
* I need to vacuum.
* My car needs an oil change.

Ask me what The Mister has done all week.
I'm gonna venture a guess that if you, dear reader, are the wife part of the relationship equation I probably don't need to answer that question.
We've all been there and have the T shirt.


I've had to keep my shit together all week and it has been a chore.
Right now I am listening to The Grateful Dead and drinking rum & coke.
For some reason The Dead have sort of a meditative effect on me.
Rum helps too.


Tune in tomorrow, I think y'all will love RMF. It's a doozy.

XOOOO
Bunny

Bait & Switch.

This ( if it is actually true ) really, really, really, really disappoints me.
Even kinda makes me feel a little dirty.

Why are all the hot ones gay ?

I guess this means that Donnie gets bumped to #3.

DAMN IT !

I'm blaming this shit on Tiffany.

DAMN IT !

He's still hot though.

Do I know how to pick em or what ?





XO
Bunny

Rat Bastards.

I called our real estate agent Buffy ( only a nickname ) last night to check on the progress of the
P & S only to find out that

1) the P & S is coming along fine
and
2) The rat bastard sellers decided that they are going to take the stove and the washer & dryer !

WTF !!??

Initially all appliances were included. Now they've changed their minds.
Brock thinks that we should just let it go and get our own appliances. I disagree.

Stay tuned.

Xoo
Bunny

Freebies.

I " borrowed " the idea for today's post from Dooce.
Which, BTW, is a FANTASTIC blog and I highly recommend that you all become avid readers.

She and her hubs call them the Five Fame F*ckers - we simply refer to them as Freebies in this house.
As there rules of the Freebie have heretofore been explained by Dooce, I will get right down to the nitty gritty of listing my Top 5.

Here goes, in no particular order;


1. George Clooney























2. Mike Lowell




















3. Jonathan Knight
















although if he happened to be busy,

Donnie Wahlberg would certainly do in a pinch.























You know - if I had to settle.

4. Joaquin Phoenix




















5. Tim McGraw























Hmmm....I think I have a thing for Tall, Dark & Handsome.

I guess I'm still on the high-class raunch.
Although I could be mere steps away from becoming the next ( albeit hetero ) Dan Savage.
( Which I will confess is my secret career ambition, but somewhere, deep down, I think all of you knew that already )

None of you should feel badly for Brock - he too has his own Freebie list. We're nothing if not equal opportunity in this house.
________________________________________________

Oh yeah, I almost forgot ! We sort of bought a house. Still have to do the home inspection and all that crap. So, fingers crossed ! We will hopefully close by mid September.
WOOO HOOOO !!!!


Xooo
Bunny

Because We're All Adults Here.....

I felt this was OK to put out there.

But I will say this is ADULT MATERIAL. So as I have stated previously, if you are easy offended, please feel free to move along and come back tomorrow. No hard feelings.

I know, I know....I've become a bit more daring about the material I've been putting out on my blog.

Although I like to think that the raunch I'm putting out there is high-class raunch. You should see the staggering amount crude, base, nasty porn in my email in box courtesy of my BIL Bill. ( the sharp-dressed-man Bill...Brock's brother )

With that, here are 40 terms for a vajayjay, brought to you via The Frisky;

When Discussing Female Health Matters With Your Gyno/Parents/Boss:
Business
Privates
Patsy
Nether Regions
Vagina (duh!)

In The Midst Of Ecstatic Love-Making With Your Sexual Partner:
Snatch
Kitty
Junk
Yoni
Punani

Just, You Know, Like, Shooting The Breeze With Your Girlfriends:
Vajayjay
Britney
Cooter
Hoo-ha
Coozie

If You’re Writing The Next Great American Romance Novel:
Dew-flaps
Quim
Rosebud
Sugar Basin
Love Tunnel
Lady Flower
Bower of Bliss
Oracle
Nonny-no
Gentleman's Pleasure Garden

When You’re Dressing Up As A Misogynist For Halloween:
Pink Taco
Clam
Beef Curtains
Hair Pie
Jam Cookie

If You're Writing A Term Paper On The History Of Sex:
Arbor
Attic
Cunnikin
Fanny
Nature's Tufted Treasure

You Want To Make Someone Laugh:
Vertical Smile
Penis Garage
Badger
Mossy Cottage
Jack Nastyface

I have to say, Mossy Cottage had me laughing. Personally I prefer Popo - but I know that Popo means something totally different outside this house.

______________________________________________________

We are still in it with the sellers of the house. I'm going back for a third look-see on Sunday.

XO

Bunny

Retro Music Friday - Madge Is 50.

Madonna is turning 50 tomorrow. I'd like to say she still looks good for 50, but some recent pics of her have been less than flattering.

Believe it or not I have a funny Madonna story. Here goes;

A few weeks ago I had gone to see one of my clients at his apartment. He and his roommate needed to have a check in and I was more than happy to do it. While roommate #1 was preparing his lunch roommate #2 and I were watching VH1 classic. And the above video happened to come on.

I thought for a few seconds that I should change the channel as Madonna vids, by and large, tend to be on the racy side. But then I thought " Well, he's an adult and can watch this video.."

With that I kind of spaced out and was watching the TV with roommate #2. As the vid progressed I hear roommate #2 start to make this growling type noise - that just got louder and louder.

I turned to look at roommate #2 at the exact moment he turned to look at me. This is what he said;

" That's Madonna....SHE DRIVES ME WILD ! " ( insert further growling noise..) " She's something else.." ( more growling with a side of manical laughter here )

And with that the video was over. I suggested that perhaps roommate #2 make his way to the kitchen to make his lunch to which he popped out of his chair and said

" Anything you want pussycat. "

( slight pause )

" Ahhh, I was just being funny, I shouldn't have said that. "

I was glad he realized that he had perhaps crossed the line without me having to point it out to him.

At any rate, my own retrospective of Madonna videos throughout the years can be found HERE,HERE,HERE and HERE.

Enjoy.

Xoooo

Bunny

About Flippin' Time !

A HUGE congratualtions go out to Melissa & Family. They finally got the referral of their new daughter this week after about 30 months of waiting.
Pics are HERE.

Isn's she just delish ? Those cheeks are so munchable !

Congrats guys ! We are soooo happy for you.

XO
Bunny

More Cool Tunes.

After I played both M.IA. and The Ting Tings at work yesterday for Jen ( remember Jen ? with the Etsy store ? yeah, her..) and Karina, Karina introduced me to Ludo. They both agreed that The Ting Tings are quite catchy and that M.IA. was OK. Although Jen did say that she could really see why I liked The TT's as it has quite an 80's feel to it. And seeing how I have this" old school " thing......well.....we don't need to discuss it further.

So, I hope you enjoy Ludo.

Of course I tried to get Brock to listen to Ludo last night, but as par for the course he gave me that disapproving look as I think he felt I was spending a little too much time screwing around and not assisting him in shampooing the rugs ( Paula is coming today.....YEA ! ).

Me ? Unfocused ? Distracted ?

Naaahhhh.

Here is more proof that this woman and I were most likely separated at birth.

Xooo

Bunny

Someone Needs To Get His Eyes Checked.

This actually happened.

Although in speaking with my friend Kathy on Sunday I guess it is really not hard to believe that half the shit that happens to me actually happens to me. She did say that she finds great joy in my life ( Thanks Kath ! ) ....apparently the circumstances I frequently find myself in are highly amusing to others.

At any rate.......

Last night I had taken the recycle out to the curb and when I came back in the house I realized that I had forgotten a few things. I rinsed out said items and walked them out to the curb.
On my second trip out to the curb the landlord ( Al) and his wife ( Marlene ) were ( I assume ) returning from dinner. I stood off to the side of the driveway as to not get run over - and continued on about my business.
As I made my way back up the driveway Al & Marlene were getting out of their car when Al stopped me......this was the conversation we had;

Al: " Erica...you're gonna love this one ! "

Me: " What's that Al ? "

A: " I was backing in the driveway and I asked Marlene who that young girl was walking down our driveway. "

M: " Oh ? "

A: " Yeah, then I realized it was you. "

M: (slight chuckle) " That's OK Al, nobody thinks I am the age I am. I tell Brock he should be take it as a complement that it looks like he's married to a younger woman. "

A: " So you've always been a trophy wife ? "

M: " I wish. "

And with that I went into the house.

Trophy wife......in what universe ?


XO
Bunny

P.S. This is my 350th post !
P.P.S. The sellers of the house we put an offer on want to negotiate. Keep your fingers crossed still !
P.P.P.S. Today is my Dad's 58th birthday.

BTW....

We put an offer on a house last night.
Keep your collective fingers crossed.

XO
Bunny

Pretty Fly For A White Guy.

This is Paper Planes by M.I.A. Brock LOVES this song. Lyrics are HERE. Not sure when he's gonna get his Thug Life Tattoo...............

My new favorite song is HERE. I dare you guys to try not to get down to this. It's got a killer beat.

Yep, we know where it at.

Xoo

Bunny

Perception.

Is it just me, or does the

Olympic Stadium in Beijing look

like a gigantic bedpan ?

Xo

Bunny

Retro Music Friday.

As I have previously stated - I've loved Donnie Wahlberg since I was 12. And as I've also previously stated on this blog, there are more than a few " Donnie Girls " out there.

Another " Donnie Girl " out there happens to be my coworker Teresa. These were her exact words regarding this video.

" I hated that little girl. I would scream and throw things at the TV when Donnie pulled her up on stage. Then I would roll around on the living room floor and yell " Noooooo Donnie ! That is supposed to be meeeeee !!!!!"

Yep, I'm still stuck on the New Kids. I guess you could go so far as to say I am really geeked out giddy-school-girl-style about them reuniting and going to see them on concert. I feel like I'm 12 all over again. Only this time I'm like a 12 year old who can drink and has credit cards. A dangerous combination.

Good thing for me I have very understanding husband who happens to think my giddy schoolgirl-ness is cute.

Although a few weeks ago he did say that he can't wait for this concert to be over so " I can have my wife back. "

I want to say this video is from 1989 ( I was 13 ), but I'm not 100% sure.

Xooooo

Bunny

I Hope The Carpet At Mohegan Sun Is Clean.

'Cause I'm gonna pass out.

Seriously.

The hotness is OVERWHELMING.

Gah !

XO

Bunny

No Retro Music Friday This Week.

I'm just not feeling inspired this week.
Besides, I'm really distressed today.

Catch you later.

XO
Bunny