Insanely Cute And Accutely Insane.

Guess what happened to me Thursday ? G'head, guess. You're never gonna guess.....go ahead, just try.

Give up ?

I've come to realize that the reason none of you can/want to ever guess what happened to me when I say " Guess what happened to me ? " is because the sheer magnitude and intensity of crazy shit that happens to me is, well, mind blowing.

I'll just go ahead and tell you.

I was attacked by a squirrel. Uh huh. Attacked. By a squirrel.

As the details of my rodent acostment are still sketchy due to my squirrel attack induced PTSD, I do vaguely remember being totally disarmed by his cuteness only to see him, shortly after I remarked " Awww...what a cute little squirrel !", fly through the air only to land on my cute, strappy,wedge heeled feet.

I swear I heard him say " HIAH ! " as I watched him fly through the air spread eagle. I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing and so as my brain tried to process what was happening, well, everything seemed to be in slow motion.

" Oh my god, that.....squirrel is....flying......through the.......... air........ and.....................oh my god..............I......I think he's going....to land on my feeeeeet. "

Of course having no previous squirrel attack under my belt as a frame of reference I had no idea that I would respond by running around in a small circle and shrieking like a little girl.

And wouldn't you know I was with a client.
She found the entire sequence of events to be completely hilarious.

For a better understanding of how it is that I came to be attacked by a squirrel I should tell you that the above referenced client and I were seated outdoors reading magazines while we were waiting for a ride to come pick her up.

Not at all frightened by my interpretive dance the effing squirrel ran not three feet away from me and CAME BACK FOR MORE !

At this point I was dancing, shrieking, waving a magazine and verbally abusing a small woodland creature.

" Listen jackass, get the hell away from me ! NO ! GO AWAY ASSBAG ! GIT ! I SWEAR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ! GIT GIT GIT !

Shortly after my tirade I felt that perhaps I should have done a better job of censoring myself as it is less than professional to be cursing in front of a client.
I justified it by thinking A) she's an adult and I'm sure has heard worse in her life and B) the whole episode probably made her day as she was laughing uncontrollably.

Guess what ? The effing rat came back for more ! This time he decided that he was going to give my client a try and slinked up to her.
She went all Clint Eastwood on him, complete with the stink eye, and generally made him fear for his life.
I guess Death By Rolled Up Magazine was not on his agenda for the afternoon so he saw fit to make his way over to the dumpster.

She and I waited a bit longer for her ride to appear and when I said PTSD I totally meant it as every time I saw a chipmunk or a leaf fly across the parking lot out of the corner of my eye I jumped about twelve feet.


Later in the day I called my cousin to relate the events of the morning to her. I shared with her that no matter how crappy her day was I was gonna bet money that the recounting of her day to her Hubs would not culminate in telling him that she was attacked by a squirrel.

Effing squirrel.

XO
Bunny