Do you recall me sharing with you that I had spent the first weekend of October in NYC with my best-est ( we'll try spelling it with a hyphen this time....) cousin Steph and her shall-remain-nameless daughter ?
Yeah ? We all on the same page ?
Ok then. On with the story.
Let me set the scene for y'all.....
On our last collective night in the city we went to dinner at a very seen-and-be-seen restaurant in The Village. Dinner was fabulous. The service was superb. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about this particular restaurant.....I'm kissing my fingers like some sort of stereotyped portly Italian chef in a crappy, late 80's Disney movie here........ MWAH !
At any rate, as she had been feeling out the increasing independence that comes with turning the big 1-6 over the course of the weekend, Nameless requested that she be allowed to hail a cab ( on her own ) in order for the three of us to return back to our hotel. Mom of course says " Go for it ! " and lo and behold the very first cab pulls over to whisk us back to Midtown. Beginner's Luck.
The previous day, after Nameless and I had decided that we were SO DONE with walking, we'd decided to get a cab back to the hotel rather than walk the 30-something blocks from Union Square back to Midtown. Mom didn't protest the cab plan and did her part to aide in the cab hailing. Although she did claim that she was totally prepared to walk the 30-something blocks back to the hotel. She felt fine and it was a lovely day. Really, I'm convinced she was a Sherpa in a past life.
Me ? I'm convinced I was an eccentric, European millionairess with multiple small, yapping dogs who is perpetually wardrobed in a colorful caftan, does the double cheek kiss and can't be bothered to learn people's names so she refers to everyone as " Dahling " in a past life.
But I digress.
No cab stopped despite my standing halfway into the street. Time to hatch Plan B. Not sure if Nameless saw me do this or not, but I unzipped my hoodie to show the girls off in order to expedite the cab hailing process. Hey, don't judge ok ? We were desperate and needed the money...I mean a cab. Eventually a cab did pull over and an uneventful ride to Midtown ensued.
So by the night in question Nameless had seen her Mom and myself hail a cab or two and felt that she had the routine down.
Where was I ????
Oh yeah, uneventful cab ride back to Midtown......
Which is exactly the kind of cab ride one wants to have in Manhattan. Uneventful. Boring even.
If you ask someone how their cab ride was and they start out by saying " Hoo Boy !! LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE CAB RIDE ! " those stories never end well. It usually ends with someone saying " And then the cops showed up..."
^ Major foreshadowing there ^
So after our lovely dinner on our last collective night in the city we had an uneventful, boring even, cab ride back to the hotel. Sometime during this ride, me in my still buzzed from two screwdrivers on a mostly empty stomach state decided that I needed some chocolate. And I decided Nameless was going to be my accomplice in the procurement of said chocolate.
Our hotel was not two blocks from Times Square. And for those not familiar Times Square, like a hooker's legs, never closes.
We, Steph, Nameless and I, had taken a spin around Times Square two nights before so Nameless was well aware that there was both a Hershey and M&M's store in Times Square.
Mom walked with us to the corner and bid us " farewell " as she had decided that she's had enough fun for one day and would not be joining us on our sojourn to Times Sq.
Nameless and I trotted off to TS to acquire chocolate.
Nameless is a lovely, energetic, charismatic young lady who walks in practically a skip. She bounds down the street all lovely and whatnot, her hair bouncing along with a mind of its own. She largely resembles a young Farrah Fawcett. I had to fight the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and command that she " STAY AWAY FROM THAT FREAK RYAN O'NEAL ! HE'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE ! "
But I knew that would have ended with her giving me that puzzled yet concerned look I get from most of my coworkers and would have elicited Nameless sheepishly asking " Umm....who's Ryan O'Neal ? "
::::::sigh::::::::
Ok, back to the chocolate and Times Sq.
Earlier at dinner I was trying my damnedest to be my very best well behaved self ( I'd been warned by The Mister to " Behave " as I boarded the bus to NYC. Which is an entire blog post unto itself ). Over the course of the entire weekend I'd recalled countless, off-color anecdotes that I wanted to share with Steph and I'd begin to giggle and open my mouth to relate the anecdote, but then remember that I was in the presence of Nameless. So I'd self censor and keep the anecdote to myself.
For nearly three solid days I would laugh, open my mouth, sigh with disappointment and shut my mouth again.
I'm sure people passing me on the street must have thought I was mentally ill.
As I was saying, I was trying my damnedest to behave myself during dinner. However after two screwdrivers all bets are off. I began to relate my funniest of funny anecdotes from the past year. Sort of a Best Of Bunny & The Mister, if you will. This particular anecdote was a pretty lengthy one that involved my Grandmother receiving hospice care, my sister calling me crying and The Mister drunk in the ball pit at McDonald's and then The Mister drunk verbally abusing my sister while perched on the hood of her car.
Nameless listened intently as I told my tale of drunk debauchery in McDonald's. She was as if she'd discovered Real Sex on HBO after Mom and Dad had long gone to sleep. Like she knew that this, the entirely true stories of two drunk Gen-X DINKs with a serious Oreo habit, was something she should not be paying attention to. But somehow the luridness in my recounting of the events of that evening was something she could not tear herself away from.
I think she was secretly happy to be trotting off to Times Square with someone other than her Mom. Especially since she's seen me in the new light of one of my " Best Of " anecdotes.
I know, I know. Chocolate. Times Square. I'm getting there.
Nameless was under the impression that we were heading back for either the Hershey or M&M store....but I felt that this was a good time to impart a little economics lesson. Which was, those of us with jobs and bills who have to spend our own money on chocolate go to Walgreen's to buy Reese's Peanut butter cups for 3 for $2, rather than spend $2.50 for one package at the Hershey's store.
And yes, in case you were wondering, there is a Times Sq. Walgreen's and yes, I purchased a round of RPB Cups. One for me, one for Nameless and one for Steph.
But before we even made it to Walgreen's we ran into.......GASP.......ELMO ! HOLY CRAP ! IT WAS ELMO ! RIGHT.IN.TIMES.SQUARE !
Nameless decided the a nice end of the sentence to her weekend in NYC was to have her picture taken with Elmo. For some reason she decided that I was the adult in charge in this particular situation and asked me if it would be alright if she got her picture taken with the Red Furry One.
And in my head I was all like " Why the flip are you asking my permission ?? "
I guess I am so used to my sweet Emmsie, who is sweet ( when she wants to be ), but has that surly, snarky exterior that scares ice road truckers, longshoremen and the occasional Hell's Angel.
Had Nameless and Emmsie somehow gone all Parent Trap on me in that exact moment I would have totally caught onto the whole switcharoo as Emmsie would have thrown the camera at me an told me to take her picture. Like, do it now. I'm not asking you again. That's even if she had the inclination to get her picture taken with Elmo in the first place. Realistically I think she would have walked past him and told Elmo what a pathetic loser he was and to get a real job.
I tell Nameless that it would be my pleasure to take her picture with Elmo. As she waited for Ricky and Bobbie-Lee from Omaha to finish up with Elmo Nameless notices that people are handing Elmo a dollar or two as a tip.
She expresses her concern to me that she's only in possession of bills far too large to tip Elmo. I tell her not to worry, that I, the adult in charge **snicker** ,will give her a dollar for proper compensation of future photographic acquisitions.
Nameless sees it is her turn to snuggle up to Elmo and smile big for the camera. Two quick flashes we were in possession of two stupendous pics of Nameless and Elmo.
Nameless, with her signature skip, came bouncing the twelve feet or so back to me to deposit the camera back into the camera bag while I dig around in my snazzy clutch for the promised dollar.
Camera neatly tucked away and dollar in hand Nameless skips back to a spot about half way between myself and Elmo.
She freezes when she sees that two of the NYPD's finest are questioning Elmo. Whom at this point has removed his head piece and I'm now sure Elmo's name is probably Jamal.
Nameless is still frozen with panic. I could tell she was using her precious, now 16 powers of reasoning and abstract thought to decide what her course of action should be.
She looked to Elmo/Jamal with cops and then back to me. Then to Elmo/Jamal with cops and then back to me. And again and again and again.
I thought the poor thing was gonna get whiplash.
As her reasoning and abstract thought skills are relatively new I decided to let her " cheat off my paper " and help her out.
I called her name in a loud whisper and motioned for her to come back to me. Time to impart another important lesson to Nameless;
When the cops show up you make like a tree and leave. Quietly and without drawing attention to yourself.
We eventually found our way back to the hotel where Nameless showed off our "free" pictures with she and Elmo to Mom.
Mom was quite impressed with the quality of the pictures and expressed that perhaps they were the best of the trip.
Then Nameless uttered the words that every parent wants to hear;
" Yeah, and then the Cops showed up ! "
XOXO
Bunny
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